Y'know, I'd be a lot less annoyed by the grey in my beard if it were at least symmetrical and/or evenly distributed.

It’s been emotionally painful finding out it isn’t common to kick yourself in the balls while putting on pants.

Finally someone brave enough to

there is no politician so irreplaceable that we must overlook sexual misconduct because nobody else could possibly fill their shoes

Just looked at the Michael Jackson wikipedia page and let me just say WOW.

Turning off quote posts is the ska of Bluesky

What happens after I McEat.

we had four years where we didn’t have to wake up and immediately check the news to see what new nightmare the president has threatened to inflict on the world every morning and 77 million people voted that we should have to do that again and I will never get over it

Hitler would have been a podcaster.

Breathtaking new image of the moon from Artemis II.

I just took an “Am I Autistic” test and it was all uh idk maybe

Don't Happy Be Worry YouTube video by Dillinger Four - Topic

Omg a new Dillinger Four song

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo00...

Imagine being a decent, normal, everyday guy named Markwayne. You're just going about your life, trying to be a good husband to your wife Pfluanna and a good dad to your kids Brandoug and Kirkaneezer, and then along comes this piece of shit

Join The Onion Don’t just read the news. Feel it. Be among the first to feel the news.

Folks, good news: The Onion is a hundred or so subs away from reaching the long-awaited number of 69,420 paid print subscribers.

If you’re that one magic subscriber, we’ll send you a mystery gift box as a thanks.

Sign up or regret it forever. We’re on sale for a week. Make sexweed number history.

All👏Vampires👏Are👏Draculas

House procedure is normally a snoozefest that only insiders care about. But this one is just such a perfect distillation of the incompetence in the GOP, failure of Trump as a leader and weakness of Mike Johnson. Let's roll the video tape:

A viral dog rescue from 2016 is now immortalized with a statue in Kazakhstan. When a dog fell into the Sayran reservoir, bystanders formed a human chain to pull him to safety. The statue is a reminder of the value of unity, solidarity and collective action. 14/10 for all

Trump take gas

hey, qq do we use plastic for a lot of things and is a 100% increase bad?

Me to Immortal Karl Marx: You ever get tired of being right?

Immortal Karl Marx: I wish I could die.

One: He isn’t paying for shit because he never does
Two: because he never does and never has, it’s irresponsible to report this like he will
Three: It’s illegal for him to do so and even if it weren’t, the correct answer is for him to pay his goddamn taxes

Let's Catch Up On The Hilarious Afroman Defamation Trial | Defector Afroman, once world famous for his song about being high (though I always preferred “Crazy Rap” myself), has emerged as a new kind of internet folk hero in the aftermath of an incident in 2022 with…

Let's catch up on the hilarious Afroman defamation trial: defector.com/lets-catch-u...

Man, you think you hate Daylight Savings?The vampires must pissed.

Maybe today is the day.

Iran retaliated with missile and drone bombardments against U.S. bases and allied territory, targeting military facilities across the Gulf, including Al Udeid Air Base in Qatar. One Iranian drone killed six American service members at a U.S. command center in Kuwait. Asked whether Americans should be worried about retaliatory attacks at home, Trump acknowledges the possibility. “I guess,” he says. “But I think they’re worried about that all the time. We think about it all the time. We plan for it. But yeah, you know, we expect some things. Like I said, some people will die. When you go to war, some people will die."

Donald Trump’s White House is blocking top US intelligence agencies from warning law enforcement across the country about rising threats to the homeland tied to his war with Iran, the Daily Mail can reveal. The FBI, Homeland Security, and the National Counterterrorism Center were preparing to put out a joint intelligence statement on Friday to state and local authorities alerting them of a heightened threat due to the ongoing war in Iran, a senior DHS official said. The bulletin, which was reviewed by the Daily Mail, details 'elevated threats by the government of Iran to US military and government personnel and facilities, Jewish and Israeli institutions and their perceived supporters, and Iranian dissidents and other anti-regime activists in the United States.' 'Radicalized individuals with a variety of ideological backgrounds also may see this conflict or other geopolitical events as a justification for violence,' the report continues. The five-page bulletin blocked by the White House provides specific details on how Iranian proxies may carry out attacks across the country. One section explains how local law enforcement can respond to this type of violence. The official title is 'A Public Safety Awareness Report: Elevated threat in the United States during US-Iran conflict'. Homeland Security broke protocol and gave the White House a heads-up about the nationwide bulletin hours before it was set to be released. Top Trump officials ordered it placed on ‘hold’. The White House did not deny blocking the terror bulletin in a statement to the Daily Mail.

Time: Asked if Americans should be worried abt attacks at home: I guess.

Daily Mail: The White House blocked release of FBI/NCTC warning of elevated risks.

A young hoops fan mirroring Kevin Durant's free throw behind the baseline in tonight's game vs Portland.

What the game is all about.

I can't think of a clearer explanation of how capitalism works in practice than that they figured out how to trade futures in missile strikes before they figured out how to solve the weird six-hour shipping-status gap after the email is sent but before the parcel is received

That’s like two White House ballrooms!