"Confidence is sexy. What can I say?"

//I'm still here; I just haven't felt confident in soliciting lewd RP lately.

Not to mention, *every* problem I've had on this platform has come when I've tried to be romantic/sexual; long story. I'm still open to the idea, but it's rarely seemed to work out.

"Alleluia, I am risen!"

Blink.

"I... feel like I *should be* far more concerned about that idea of a perfect relationship than I *actually am.*"

Blink.

"But as long as we bring in the terrorists with appropriate use of force, I'd be down for it!"

//Still here, but my SFW stuff seems to get more traction so I've focused on that lately.

Still would be down for ERP with someone who matches my preferences; I'm just being careful.

Lep's positronic brain whirs, social-prediction computers trying to process the LEAST-socially-awkward response to this scenario.

"...Uh, have fun, I guess."

He kinda just... wanders off.

While he COULD just stare right through it with his thermal and X-ray vision, he instead makes a big show of rubbing his eyes.

"Drat and egads! You have deflected and distracted me!"

...If she didn't want him to press, he wouldn't press.

*Jumps like a startled cat*

"Oh dear? What happened again?"

How could falling into a pile of boxes and jumping out near random people have become a pattern?

"Tell me about yourself! Your passions, your powers, anything you're just ACHING to get off your chest."

"You're welcome! It's the least I can do as a mere bystander."

He remains until the unwitting destroyer has calmed down.

"You might have to carry that action's weight forever, even if you didn't do it willingly. But hopefully, in time, you can at least smile at the world in front of you."

While he's tempted to call in an orbital bombardment, the rational side of his brain reminds him that would be a grave misuse of Federation resources. (And would probably kill HIM too.)

Therefore, he instead turns his brain off until the annoyance has gotten bored and wandered away.

"NOT! HELPING!"

*Runs around in a circle, flailing his arms like a Wacky Inflatable Arm-Flailing Tube Man*

"Deep breaths, deep breaths. Let the intrusive thoughts pass."

+ stupid enough to authorize that experiment in the first place.

He lays a platonic hand on the guy's shoulder. "Nothing I say or do can equal the gravity of such an act. But as long as you live in the present, or perhaps someday fix the mistakes of the past, should the cosmos offer that option..."

He holds his tongue. Part of him tenses at the sight of a self-proclaimed destroyer of universes, but he has no reason to believe Gomi will turn hostile.

"...I understand now."

Were he able to travel back into the destroyed universe's past, Lep would do so *himself* just to shoot the scientists +

"I strive to be a PARAGON of (kind, genuine) law and responsibility, but at the same time I have a weakness for dangerous women."

"Anyone else relate to any clause of that sentence?"

His jaw hangs open. Words fail him in the face of such a confession.

For a second, he just stands there and processes. At last... "I presume it was entirely accidental?"

If it was an accident, he could try and sympathize as best he could. If it was deliberate... phaser on 'disintegrate'.

"Thanks, but I'm fine!"

Lep is mercifully innocent of the cosmic shenanigans going on in her corner of the multiverse.

"If I vent my annoyance at petty problems now, I'll be in a better mood when I inevitably have to deal with BIG problems."

"AAAAAA- oh, sorry, didn't see you there."

Seems there's someone in every random corner of the Multiverse he wanders into to scream in. C'est la vie.

"Just screaming about video games. I guess if I'm screaming at them, I'm not having fun, and should do something else for now."

"I'm... I'm sorry. I wish I had a better answer for you, but you'd need basically an omnipotent god to restore a universe from utter conceptual erasure."

"How did you survive such a fate? Were you outside the universe when it was destroyed?"

"That depends on what you mean by 'destroyed'." A sigh, as his brain calculates.

"If it ended at a specific point in time, then you could return to a point before its destruction. But if it was conceptually ERASED at every level, including its very timeline, I doubt there's any hope..."

"Ah. That much I can do."

He pulls out a handy-dandy holo-projector. "What kind of multiverse stuff, exactly? I work for Akashic Labs, which is my Federation's multiverse-investigation agency. To discover new life and civilizations, and boldly go where no-one from my universe has gone before..."

"Ah, sorry about that. I shall now scream softly instead."

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa."

"That better?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA- oh, sorry, didn't notice you there."

Consarn it, this random stranger interrupted his yelling session.

"Burning off stress from assorted sources, at least one of them related to my 500+ modlist crashing."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Litterers and people who don't return their shopping carts deserve public execution!"

"...Ooooor just naming-and-shaming, if I *REALLY* have to be proportional."

Paces under an overpass as the rain trickles down outside, glancing into the urban sprawl beyond.

Words by Funkit Toys from their thread https://bsky.app/profile/funkittoys.bsky.social/post/3mdtky5ug4s2r written Feb 1, 2026, art by Erika Moen. An illustration rendered to look prehistoric, as if it's on a stone tablet or stretched hide, shows an assortment of drawings depicting pieces of the following text. Narration: For anyone who may be losing faith in human progress, remember this: We invented the dildo 27,000 years before the gun. Image: A stone phallus with several cracks and intentionally carved penis-head at one end. Caption: Hohle Fels Phallus, 28,000 years ago Text: We invented pornographic art tens of thousands of years before written language. Image: A simplified cave art painting depicting a couple having sex in doggy-style. Caption: Cave art, Tassili n'Ajjer, Algeria, 12,000 years ago. Text: We invented the condom before steel. Image: An off-white, aged, sock-let with a long, ragged belt attached to it. Caption: Oil-soaked linen condom of King Tutankkamunn, 1332-1323 BCE Text: Bread is older than war. Beer is older than borders. Image: A fancy loaf of bread, referenced from Pompeii, even though it's not the same time period as the caption, but it looks nice, ok?. Caption: Bread, 14,600-11,600 years ago. Text: We're better at making good things than bad. We've had more practice. Image: A barley field. Caption: Beer, 5,000 years ago. Text: Words by Funkit Toys, Art by Erika Moen, 2026

"We invented pornographic art tens of thousands of years before written language." (Full size image)
Words by @funkittoys.bsky.social, images by @erikamoen.bsky.social (and various uncredited prehistoric artists, craftspeople, and caveperverts)

Full post: www.patreon.com/posts/150935...

"Ask for clear consent."

"If consent is granted, enthusiastically pound from behind."

"If consent is NOT granted, wish you a pleasant day and leave you be."

"I try to pursue wholesome heterosexuality, WITHOUT talking bad about homosexuality/other non-traditional sexualities."

"Even if finding consenting partners takes a lot of effort and patience, it's better than flipping out at people for not fulfilling MY fantasies."