I thought the intent was obvious enough that it was fine 🫡

Get a load on this guy!

I got it :) Love this one

I’ve gotta be honest this one’s got me stumped 🫡

Delicate?

You're absolutely right – this actually *isn't* a place of honor.
* I thought esteemed deeds were commemorated here, but that was wrong.
* The message wasn't about treasure, it was about danger. That's on me.
* I won't sugarcoat it – the danger is still present, and now it's in your body.

you can lead a horse to coffee but you can't talk to it before it drinks

Look, I'm doing my best. Or maybe I'm not. Well, alright, 70% of my best is the best I'm capable of. I'm doing my best to do my best.

Would you rather hang out with Frank Sinatra or my weed dealer coworker at Qdoba who was obsessed with Frank Sinatra?

Or they used to be pregnant and now they're not. It's like, make up your mind

they’re making it so it’s not even going to be 2025 anymore. soon they’ll say being 2026 is mandatory for everyone

Fans of Christmas are in for a treat tomorrow

You're too late, Mr. Bond; in the time it took you to get here I was able to sober up enough to drive

Flying Squirrel Loves It Every Time

Flying Squirrel Loves It Every Time

Sorry you drew the figure too big and now I’m not impressed anymore :/

Wait did you have to cross from the wall to the volume? And if so… how??

Is Flyleaf better, worse or equal to Evanescence? And what do you think of Live Free or Die Hard?

i think everyone needs to proclaim whatever nazi tattoos they've got right now, while it's on everyone's minds. even if you're not running for office, let's just get all our cards on the table. i'll start — i'm normal, so i have none. let's have every former & current military member go next

oh you’re a nihilist? name zero things that matter

good afternoon

people who put Harry Potter stuff on their dating profiles in 2025 are kinda like those Japanese soldiers who didn’t know the war was over except more embarrassing

Hey Sam I’ve also been getting into bouldering lately so I’m kind of an expert and can say: This is impressive

Having a job has crippled my productivity.

When I saw Opeth in 2008 the set was a little over two hours. Is there any band you’d stand that long for now?

Okay well I didn’t expect you to post it publicly when I wrote it :/

I'll do it 👍

wife: how was guarding the two paths today, honey?

guard: [looking away] fine

wife: did something happen?

guard: [tearing up] no

wife: would the other guard tell me something happened?

I'm sick of online, but what else is there to do? My job?