Lane in chicago 4/26

Man's tinder

CHICAGO FRIENDS! I'm coming there on April 26 to roast your weirdest dating profiles, which tbh is most of them. If you've never been on a dating app, you've got to come. If you've seen way too many dating profiles, you really have to come.🙏😂🤦‍♀️Get tickets here!!! thedentheatre.com/performances...

Tragically I am allergic to dairy, but I really want to find vegan deep dish??? I would love that. Also, I don't know if you live there but I'm doing a show on the 26th!!🐕

Ooo i'll have to look up what that is I assume sports but maybe not sports??

Omg these recommendations are very good! Also, if you didn't see the whole reason I'm coming I'm doing a show there if you're not already coming you totally should!! bsky.app/profile/hell...

Pals! What should I do in Chicago next week, besides roasting toxic dudes on dating apps for comedic purposes, i also wanna do SPOOKY/NATURE/ART/GOOD FOOD/HOT GIRL STUFF TOO!!! ADVICE PLEASE👇🦇

Lane in chicago 4/26

Man's tinder

CHICAGO FRIENDS! I'm coming there on April 26 to roast your weirdest dating profiles, which tbh is most of them. If you've never been on a dating app, you've got to come. If you've seen way too many dating profiles, you really have to come.🙏😂🤦‍♀️Get tickets here!!! thedentheatre.com/performances...

Your Honor, I'm sorry I was speeding, I was gazing into my dog's eyes and I got too amped.

just flipped off a guy for staring at my boobs while I walked and I didn't look up from my phone once he was like 😳and I was like 💀

Photo of my dog looking up at me and me holding a bone covered in potting soil lol

I just found my dog burying the bone I gave her in a flower pot, so now it's covered with potting soil ANDher nose was covered with potting soil.🥹🥹🥹I wiped it off and reassured her I will keep it safe without keeping it...inside of one of my plants. God bless this perfect girl.🐕🙏

Pals! What should I do in Chicago next week, besides roasting toxic dudes on dating apps for comedic purposes, i also wanna do SPOOKY/NATURE/ART/GOOD FOOD/HOT GIRL STUFF TOO!!! ADVICE PLEASE👇🦇

And to be honest, I never want a wheel let alone a new pasta shape
That's just another wheel!!!

Your Honor, I'm sorry I was speeding, I was gazing into my dog's eyes and I got too amped.

just flipped off a guy for staring at my boobs while I walked and I didn't look up from my phone once he was like 😳and I was like 💀

Being a person right now is so exhausting, so if you have to be a person right now, wow hats off to you!!!!

Every day it gets harder to focus on the good people who exist in this world, instead of the bad. So every day it becomes all the more necessary to do it anyway.

Every day it gets harder to focus on the good people who exist in this world, instead of the bad. So every day it becomes all the more necessary to do it anyway.

Being a person right now is so exhausting, so if you have to be a person right now, wow hats off to you!!!!

"hmm i dont think i'll have time to do both of these incredibly quick tasks. better not do either of them"
--me, every day

Ty lucy💜

Dude, I literally don't know and then it just ruined my whole day and those people act like we're so crazy and it's so weird that we got ourselves upset over nothing. What is it like to just not care how much you're hurting other people?!??

It really sucks because sometimes it's people that you respect it and you're trying to tell them hey I don't know why this is the hard line that you're drawing, because there's so many reasons not to vote for this guy, but you're really just inventing this one reason to vote for him??? What?

Sometimes I think about all the people who said they were voting for Trump because they wanted things to get more affordable, even though people told them he def would not do that, and now guess what's happening? That and worse. Wow who could've known, except everyone who told them that?!?

Man, it's just so weird all they have to do is just say oh man I'm so sorry and run to go get the dog! Just indicate that you know why this would be scary especially if the person seems scared!!!

Thanks for saying that I kind of knew that was the case but you just feel so crazy and that situation and I just wanna protect my kid💜

Ugh I know and I always will but people like that are so fucking shitty like I know stuff happens, but letting your dog do that and scaring a small dog and her mom and then gaslighting her like it's not a big deal and demanding that you'll be fine with that is so insane. Whats wrong with ppl?!

fellow small dog owners: wtf do you do when a huge scary off-leash dog runs up and tries to trample your dog/you? And the owner acts like you're crazy for being terrified by that?? it's happened to me a couple times recently, and its lowkey traumatic + I will never understand it?!?

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"Why would this ever be your dating profile?" Volume 4,654,654

Lane Moore in Chicago April 26

Tinder profile from Hell

CHICAGO FRIENDS! I'm coming to your city on April 26 to roast your weirdest dating profiles, like this charming lad. If you've never been on a dating app, you've got to come. If you've seen way too many dating profiles, you really have to come.🙏😂🤦‍♀️Get tickets here!!! thedentheatre.com/performances...

TONIGHT in Brooklyn!!! Come see me do a totally improvised 📼1980s horror movie📼that's also super funny! It has everything: 1980s teen hunks with bad dating profiles getting killed or killing each other, and you'll laugh more than you've laughed in months!!!🧛‍♀️

You know that was the line I think I really related to the most