i kinda forgot i had this account tbh and i'm just posting this here because i deleted the other one and am vaguely trying to not have just suddenly disappeared

i think i missed bonding with people over splatoon more than i actually missed splatoon as a game

sorry i keep tearing everything down

it's really hard to explain what it's like to try to live when it feels like no matter what u do, there will inevitably be a time where u suddenly fall apart and sabotage everything u've built up again

i just hope people don't blame me for trying

starting to think it makes sense that people like this are the ones that end up making shortform social media platforms

NewDad - Angel (Visualiser) YouTube video by NewDad

youtu.be/rIBWBrJzXU0

self-perpetuating loneliness

no one can save me from myself

i feel so close to reaching the point where ive so utterly destroyed myself and my relationships that i have nothing left. there is nothing i wont make myself lose. im so fucking empty and any time i try to fill the void inside myself i destroy whatever i put there i don't know what to do anymore

ive never felt so miserable and pathetic. all i do is destroy my own happiness. i fucking hate myself so much right now

im going to die under the weight of my own loneliness and its all my fault

i kinda forced the decision to delete my main on myself during a depressive episode and i still dont know how to feel about it. i hate that i do shit like this to myself bc i know the finality will hurt me. but idk. i kinda needed an out anyway. im probably gonna delete this one eventually as well

i think i should be allowed to want to die

between the internet bill and my car problems and my neck exploding i'm just kind of ultra-fucked rn but yknow that's fine

i have $2, a quarter tank of gas, and zero delivery offers after 3 hours lol. fuck everything

ok then

i hope it was at least entertaining for some of you to watch me crumble over and over again but now it's gone for good <3

never let a useless person believe they're worth something, it just hurts in the long run

point and laugh at me please! yes like you've all been doing already keep doing it it's all i'm good for

at least no one will have to hear me vomit nonsense about a fucking yogurt bow ever again

its fun to destroy yourself

Digital drawing of skeleton lifting a heavy weight with flames around, titled "my body is a machine that doesn't work".

just a meme i wanted to draw in my style. available as a print and sticker on my kofi hehe

#art

yeah mom yelling at me whenever i forget to do things is really helpful, i know i told you my memory is getting progressively and substantially worse but obviously im making it up just like every other time ive told you something about me is different from what you want me to be

feeling a bit better but man the lowest points of hopelessness feel a bit too real for my liking

i can't bring myself to burden specific people with this shit. couldn't even bring myself to respond to my therapist today. so i'm shouting it into the void because i can't fucking take it anymore. i'm sick of pretending i can be ok. i hate myself, my life, my mind, my body, my memories, everything

i sleep on a bloodstained mattress every night. my arm is so scarred that no one even notices when i add new ones, and i'm never gonna get all the shards of broken glass out of my messy shithole room. i have cuts on my arms and legs and hands and neck and face and body

i feel so hopeless and foggy now. i dont have the motivation to do anything 90% of the time, and for the 10% where i try to do things, they keep going wrong. i feel antisocial, like i can't trust my perceptions, like my mind is slowly dying. i'm lonely and scared. my body is broken

funny how i've always been so afraid of actually attempting to take my own life and now i wonder if i've gone and given myself the slowest and most excruciating death possible

guess i'm getting what my past self wanted after all

my mental decline feels inevitable atp. working memory just keeps getting worse and worse. guess thats what happens when u use blunt trauma to the forehead to self-harm a few times in a row

im so sick of myself i could puke