Seems fine until his biological penguin father shows up and wants to fight me and I’m covered in penguin blood explaining to the child that I had to do it and we’re burying his penguin dad together and his little flippers keep dropping the shovel. Best not.
Getting onto a train at Lichfield Trent Valley is deeply unattractive
In 20 years time Josh Gad being in Wicked will be a Mandela effect, but £50 on it.
Been in the office 2 mins already smashed out a “must be nice for umbrella manufacturers” and “well it’s good for the flowers”, got a “you wouldn’t think it was August” locked and loaded. Office small talk let’s fucking gooooo
Glad to see he’s taking Pride month seriously
Sad to see my spirit animal is actually real and is being hassled by the fuzz
Trying to be straight when Michael B Jordan is playing twins in Sinners
It took an extra 6 hours but the life like anus in my Elon Musk voodoo doll was absolutely worth it
Men who are convinced they are straight, watch Val Kilmer in Willow and then come back to me with your semi tucked into your waistband
Hangover is hitting heavy today:
Obviously found a character called Jamie from the Northwest troublingly relatable as I too have recently pissed the bed and also read at a Year 9 level.
Handing the bag back at a 4am afters
Everyone thinks they’re John Wick until there’s a wasp on the bus
Does anyone else give their Uber driver a little goodbye kiss on the neck or has this country absolutely gone to the dogs?
Hi London, Jamie here respectfully insisting that you go fuck yourself.
Finally hit my dad with a thumbs up reaction to an important text. Not so nice when the tables are turned and no I haven’t moved your insulin
His greatest challenge yet, undoing the strap without looking
I really hope Elmo is Drake’s favourite muppet
If you love 80s based strikes and emotionally unavailable fathers listen to this week’s Best Movie 2 Pid where we talk all things Northern cinema:
podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/t...
Using Gary Neville’s passion to help write my wedding vows, replacing all references to “Huel” with “my beloved”
What’s the best movie quote to shout during sex? For me it’s all 3 minutes 32 seconds of Quint’s Indianapolis speech from Jaws.
I see your dad’s worked up the courage to check his outgoing texts from last night
Well I’ll always remember that magical moment behind the Betfred in Bootle Strand even if you don’t give a shit Cher.
Call me a cynic but the first red flag that this Nosferatu fella was a bit dodge would be when he sends a driverless carriage to pick me up. I personally would not let him knob my wife soz for being woke
If you like seeing people having a fever dream in bed then baby Nosferatu is the movie for you
God bless all of those WFH today clinging on til 12 to get that nap in. You can do it.
Having admired his work for years, very sad to find out Jeremy Strong is a hat guy in real life
I’m sorry that song was called what?
Fuck this fucking knot I hope it dies infront of its knot children and nobody goes to its knot funeral