Wearing perfume or cologne that can still be smelled ten or more seconds after you’ve left an area? There’s a very real chance this could attract murder bears to your exact location. These majestic but extremely aggressive creatures are just looking for an excuse to end you so remember less is more.

Never explain, recommend, or otherwise mention cryptocurrencies in polite conversation. You wouldn’t want your colleagues to load you inside of a giant wicker man and light it aflame, would you?

If you live in a residence with a porch light turn that porch light on for any deliveries you order after dark. BONUS: You’ll be able to easily identify any potential assailants hiding in your shrubbery!

When making a purchase consider getting your payment option cash or card ready before the cashier is done ringing you up. This saves your time their time and the time of the person behind you and drastically decreases the chance of someone beating you to death in the store parking lot. #themoreuknow

If you take or make a call during a movie screening in any public setting you’re just asking for someone to take you out with a box cutter. Why even risk it?

If you put a political sign in your yard your neighbors are 17 times more likely to let their pets shit in your yard. If you put a political sticker on your car you may never find true love. Are you willing to risk never knowing the tender embrace of true love? Don’t roll those dice captain.

If you park in more than one parking spot you could very well be hated by everyone who ever met you. Reverse that curse by parking like a goddamned human being. Doesn’t being considerate feel great?! #courtesytip

If you’re on speakerphone or FaceTime on your phone in public and others can hear the person on the other end of the conversation there’s a 96 percent chance you’re kind of a fuckface. Remember this simple affirmation: This call is for ME and only me because I am NOT kind of a fuckface. #courtesytip

If you’re in line at any drive-through remember to close the gaps between you and the car in front of you. Closing the gap could very well allow another patron to place their order and could very well save your oblivious ass from burning in the fires of hell for all eternity. That’s a win-win!

If you’re going straight but you’re in a lane where folks could make a right on red and there is another lane to your left that only goes straight get in that lane. This allows your fellow motorists to take advantage of driving’s oldest loophole and ensures you aren’t a fucking turd. #courtesycode

One should never use one’s cellphone flashlight while in a movie theater unless the previews are still playing and you’re trying to find your seat. Remember this simple rhyme: If it’s already dark don’t be a narc. #courtesycode