in a past life Adrianne Lenker was a lithe gazelle leaping in a perfect arc in the savanna, and I was an early human relative piercing her with a crude spear-like weapon

👆

Under a communist regime I would more or less continue with my daily routine of abject alcoholism and womanizing, though perhaps with a more civic-minded slant.

Small minds discuss ants. Great minds discuss giant ants.

Explaining to my son: birds sing because they're happy; they're happy because they get to eat bugs. We don't get to eat bugs, so we're not happy. This is the Human Condition.

The Dark Chuckler

Watching some Tumblr-reject highbie attempt to make a post is like watching a semi-crushed ant describe a desperate circle on your kitchen floor as their remaining limbs fail them

Sanity Plexus - A Boy Can Get Scared (U.K. New Wave/Post-Punk) [1989]

Sanity Plexus - A Boy Can Get Scared (U.K. New Wave/Post-Punk) [1989]
https://redd.it/6mekwh
https://youtu.be/mwPgSaX8Zj8

ha, don’t worry too much about it, but maybe try not to bring up the all-powerful amulet at dinner - bit of a sensitive topic between the missus and I still

(unprompted) it hasn’t yet reached levels that concern us

the teenage mutant ninja turtles reboot I'm watching has a much more leisurely feel. you sense that Manet, Degas, Renoir and Pissarro are up to their usual hijinx but we've long since lost any sense of them as subjects in the sprawling crowd scenes with intermingled colours

scenting thom yorke on the grounds, my hounds have pursued him into a thicket. he's yowling sorrowfully in his usual falsetto there. hurry, groundskeeper, my rifle

Memorandum returned for revision. Note from reviewer: "The lead author's heart is a mudded stream; there is no clarity of purpose."

Me and my crew? We know the shape of heaven. We've explored the contours of bliss

take things seriously for once in your life

having 5 beers to access the Land Beyond Killing Yourself

Just got an email from HR. My pay grade has been reclassified as "Beast, Rank 1". Technically there's a raise but all the additional pay is in the form of raw meat.

the most reliable predictor of healthy development in childhood is the early introduction of your infant to Jungle Law.

:D

I don't even trip when my serfs can't tithe. They can get me back some other time

leftistly lording over my fief

I'm "banned from the bar area" just because I may have gently prescribed some life-ending attitude-enhancements to one or two of the other PTA moms at the end of year party 🙄 God forbid a woman get her shiraz on!

I was just conferred a sainthood for my convincing and stirring performance of mild interest at my wretched son's school play

i piss every time i’m in the bathroom because i’m an empath

I would’ve liked to give someone my favour at a hastilude, of course. But some of us are meant to die of neurosyphilis in every timeline

I think you should view the remarkable similarities between your stolen bike and the one I'm riding as convergent evolution, or perhaps an artefact of some ancient cataclysm, rather than seeking a shallow ahistorical explanation.

would you like to come to my desperate little garden party? It's likely I'll dissolve into tears at some point

Right, it mentions in my contract here that I'm allowed to request workplace accommodations, is that correct? Would it be alright if I brought my wretched creature? He spreads untold woe and has a rather foul odour