I’m only going to come on here to complain about Australia’s undeserved reputation as the land of the dangerous animals. Today I am introducing a new exhibit into evidence for my case that North America’s animals are far scarier…

I’m putting together a doc for summer trip planning with my friends and compulsively needed to add a note telling people to use comments but I’m fighting the urge to say “but don’t get too silly in the comments, plz be serious” and omg, I’m sorry I’m like this.

my rural local news put up a post asking what people thought of the halftime show and this little old white lady commented “I didn’t get it but I’m old. I hope the young people had fun. I liked his pants and his jacket. 💕”

She speaks for all of us. That boot cut bridged untold divides in America.

I’d imagine squirrels and the like are pretty stuck due to the tyranny of geography and little tiny legs.

How nice is it that birds choose to live in the same town as you? They could be anywhere and they think the place you picked is a pretty good one. It’s very validating really.

oh fuck it really was christmas yesterday! i thought we were shitposting. my family is gonna be pissed!!

You have been gaslit and I’m sorry about that but please don’t try to alter my objective reality based on lived experience.

Went for a test today and my nurse was trying to convince me that everyone has to wait endlessly for treatment in countries with healthcare. Ma’am, I waited three months for this paid American appointment. I scheduled the same test two days out in Australia.

THIS is how it’s done, folks.

Just give him the Sudatenland and he’ll definitely be appeased forever.

I have been judging Time readers since I was like 10. That magazine aspires to be middlebrow on its best day.

Good morning! I have once again committed myself to hosting social activities that require cleaning, cooking and eventually resenting all my friends and loved ones for wanting to spend time with me in my home.

One of your best

"assassin jacket." all your jackets are ass ass in my book

🤹🏻‍♀️

Nothing hits like frangipanis’ scent. A+ pick.

I also saw both Counting Crows and Everclear play within the last six months so I’m racing towards my “nostalgic music cruise” years.

The cynics of Gen X can’t handle the poignant humanity of Adam Duritz.

Unfortunately, the left does this too but they call themselves “expats” or worse, “digital nomads”.

Jealous of that travel mug!

I’m still trying to work out how people square that critique against the fact that most of their candidates speak like they are in late stage dementia.

“how do we connect any of these people with a vague approximation of reality” is the existential question of our times

Curls are poppin

Imagine if we were only allowed to take style advice from hetero dudes. That’s a world I don’t want to live in.

This would really affect a large contingent of “The Boys” fans.

Oh no! Wishing you a speedy recovery.

I’ve been sober over a year now and i’ve discovered that eating a fucked up meal at 4 AM is just a genuine interest of mine

in the midwest it's seethe and ope!

Emma Stone monologue from act 2 of Kinds of Kindness. Dad, last night I had a dream I was lying on that beach where they found me. I don’t remember what I was wearing, but it was like I had been there for years. And you were there, Daniel was there, we all were. Funny thing is life in that place wasn’t like it is here. It took me a few days to realize, but that place went by different rules. There, dogs were in charge. People were animals and animals were people. I must admit, Dad, the dogs treated us pretty well. They gave us food and they bandaged our wounds after licking them. I mean, they never bit us, even when we tried to hurt them. And every morning they gave us chocolate to eat. Because dogs mustn’t eat chocolate, you know. Lamb, which is my favorite food, was a rare treat and the dogs mostly kept that for themselves. For the first few days I refused to eat and I waited for a leftover lamb chop but someone else always got to it first. Eventually, I just ate the chocolate because there was lots of it around. And I didn’t like it much, but it was better than going hungry. So from then on, I ate chocolate every day. And here’s the conclusion I came to. It’s better to eat something that’s always available when you’re hungry than to depend on something that runs out early every morning. and I mean every morning. Daniel isn’t perfect, but he’s always been there for me. Go up and see him now.

Obsessed with this monologue. Might get it tattooed on my ribs.