For as long as I can remember I start my day by reading the news, and now the only reason I keep doing it is the knowledge that one morning I’ll wake up and the headline will be that he is dead

In my military dictatorship it would be illegal for adult men to use straws in public, I will not be answering any questions at this time

Bad Bunny performance went so hard the person who has to scrape off overcooked steak thrown at the walls at Mar a Lago is gonna have to put in for overtime

The list is getting pretty long fam

Added “Catherine O’Hara is dead but Donald Trump is still alive” to my ‘Proof There is No God’ list

Being a sentient being is exhausting

Last year at this time I was awaiting spine surgery, completely gorked out on pain meds and utterly oblivious to anything happening in the world outside of myself and my pain and I miss that so much

If you ever feel like you’re a bad person who is failing at life just remember that there are people who support ICE so you’re doing great sweetie🫶

Does anyone know if 2026 has a 14 or 30 day return policy, because I would like to exchange it for a new year, this one came broken

It’s never the right corrupt dictator president who refuses to leave office getting snatched outta his bed and hauled away in the middle of the night 🙃

Hell yeah they do

Merry Christmas to firstborn daughters and literally nobody else

I live! (Just not online much anymore)

Yup, she was the absolute best

It was my grandma’s!

Woman with long brown hair wearing a floor length vintage wool cape. It’s a slay

This is the cape

I just feel like no one at the post office even cared that I was wearing a 1989 A/W archival Comme des Garçon full length wool cape over the pajamas I’ve had on for 3 days

Last night I met a guy and when he told me he was from Ireland I said “I love your exits,” ya girl has still fuckin got it

The internet is mostly trash but watching idiots in Kentucky or where the fuck ever who have never left their hometown population 765 get big mad online about the mayor of NYC is honestly the funniest shit I’ve seen in awhile

Got bad news for those remembering me from Twitter people, I havent been funny since 2016

Every day at 6:30am I take a little 3 mile walk, and every day I walk past a house that absolutely reeks of marijuana smoke, and lemme tell you only one of us is doing life right and it sure as shit isn’t me

Don’t see anything objectionable to extending the same level of care to someone as he extended to others 🤷🏼‍♀️

*as he did

I’m going to have as much empathy for Charlie Kirk getting shot as he does for innocent children who are victims of gun violence

Not surviving, not thriving, some other third thing. (Spiraling)

The Taylor Swift engagement is huge news for my community (annoying white women)

I’ve started responding “pretty bad” when people ask how I’m doing, and that’s why I’m the most fun person at parties

Y’all ever feel like you’re being suffocated by the heaviness of all the horrors in our nightmare world but in, like, a sexy way

Love this for you

But thank you for joining me in the mediocrity, C students for life 👊