Zelenskyy Offers to be Temp US President While Trump Undergoes Psychiatric Evaluation The Ukrainian called Trump's recent utterances "a cry for help."

Zelenskyy Offers to be Temp US President While Trump Undergoes Psychiatric Evaluation
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...

Trump Says Intelligence Played No Role in His Decision to Start War “Intelligence is for losers.”

Trump Says Intelligence Played No Role in His Decision to Start War
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...

Analysis: Mike Johnson promotes one of Trump’s most laughable election lies | CNN Politics President Donald Trump has promoted dozens of different lies about American elections. Some of them are relatively sophisticated. Some are transparently silly.

www.cnn.com/2026/02/04/p...

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Pete Hegseth Defense Secretary Pete Hegeth’s time overseeing the nation’s largest governmental agency has proven contentious owing to frequent security leaks, norm violations, and attacks on journalists. The Onion...

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Pete Hegseth — theonion.com/the-onions-e...

Fact-Checking Trump On Greenland President Trump announced Wednesday that a framework for a future Greenland deal had been reached. The Onion assesses the veracity of Trump’s statements regarding Greenland.  Claim: Greenland needs pr...

Fact-Checking Trump On Greenland — theonion.com/fact-checkin...

God Punishes Trump by Turning US into Greenland The Almighty declared, “Prayers answered, jerkwad.”

God Punishes Trump by Turning US into Greenland
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...

NATO Sprays Antipsychotic Medication in Airspace Over White House Norwegian Prime Minister Jonas Gahr Stoere said, “We saw his letter to me as a cry for help.”

NATO Sprays Antipsychotic Medication in Airspace Over White House
www.borowitzreport.com/p/nato-spray...

People are saying this may not be the real Melania

Box Office Bust: Melania Trump's Documentary Movie Has Barely Sold Any Tickets Ahead of Premiere, Claims Source Sources claimed Melania Trump's movie 'MELANIA' isn't doing well in pre-sales. The flick hits theaters on Friday, January 30.

okmagazine.com/p/melania-tr...

Can you guess which side these guys are on?

Since the US is a NATO member. Should they send troops to help Greenland defend themselves against umm the US?

Awesome

Surrender Greenland or I will send Don the con Jr and Eric the stupid

Hoodlum 🇺🇸
@NotHoodlum
Surrender Greenland, or I will send Eric the Stupid and Junior the Con back.

Trump Orders ICE to Arrest 67,000 NFL Fans Who Booed Him The booing fans were "paid by Soros," he claimed.

Trump Orders ICE to Arrest 67,000 NFL Fans Who Booed Him
www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-orde...

Caption Contest Winner! What was Little Marco really whispering to Metamucilini?

Caption Contest Winner!
www.borowitzreport.com/p/caption-co...

Mike Johnson Accuses No Kings Protesters of Blatantly Exercising First Amendment Rights The Speaker alleged that "far-left lunatics and Antifa members" were conspiring to take the First Amendment literally.

Mike Johnson Accuses No Kings Protesters of Blatantly Exercising First Amendment Rights
www.borowitzreport.com/p/mike-johns...

Qataris Reject Trump’s Idaho Offer and Demand Airbase at Mar-a-Lago “We gave you a 400-million-dollar 747. You’re not sticking us in some Idaho shithole.”

Qataris Reject Trump’s Idaho Offer and Demand Airbase at Mar-a-Lago
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...

Americans Mystified Why Nonessential Federal Employee Still Has Job The still-employed man performs no identifiable function, Americans noted.

Americans Mystified Why Nonessential Federal Employee Still Has Job
www.borowitzreport.com/p/americans-...

Trump Rallies Angry Supporters Outside Nobel HQ in Oslo “If you want to win the Nobel Peace Prize, you’ve got to fight like hell.”

Trump Rallies Angry Supporters Outside Nobel HQ in Oslo
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...

Trump Explodes with Rage after Gavin Newsom Wins Nobel Peace Prize The committee recognized Trump with a "certificate of participation."

Trump Explodes with Rage after Gavin Newsom Wins Nobel Peace Prize
www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-expl...