Will’s coming out scene in Stranger Things 5 was 17 seconds longer than the nation of Israel existing.

Do kids still use “swag” and if they don’t, what do they turn on when they hop up out the bed?

Cops at Pride.

Ya know, “must have weekend availability” is too vague. Like, yeah, I can work Saturday.

I take back all the Michelle Williams jokes I have made in the past and the ones I will make in the future.

Every hot girl needs a sad, gay™️ friend.

He said “let’s-a go!” for a reason.

Same energy.

People out here watching Last of Us thinking they could survive a zombie apocalypse when they can’t even survive a shot of Malort.

Everyone is so quick to block people in their lives. I block strangers on the internet so they don’t know what they did.

Got tipped $10 on a $212 tab tonight. 🙃

Who wore it best.

My sexual awakening was seeing Jeph from the Used naked in an interview during the Taste of Chaos tour on FUSE.

Whatever happened to asking a punk?

Call me old fashion, but buying tickets in advanced for a rave?

We stopped putting “ask a punk” on show flyers so quickly.

Applied to bartend at a sweet, high volume music venue. Can’t wait to feel sad when I don’t get a single call back.

Remember Brick from the Middle? This is him now. Feel old yet?

I was playing Material Girl at the bar while working and someone asked if it was Cyndi Lauper

I think I stopped smoking out of pure laziness.

Thinking about this queen who was gonna attack Michael Myers with an iron in Halloween Kills.

There are so many songs about LA but only one about grandma getting ran over by a reindeer?

Opening a nightclub that only plays Enya.

Using my TV to just fall asleep to different shows to see which give me the most fucked up dreams.

Didn’t go to a show I wanted to bc the fear of going outside after a late night Impossible Burger made me gassy and the venue didn’t have single person stalls.

The Carrie Diaries (2013-2014)

Hear me out.

Anyone got a DVD player and a copy of Shrek 2?