i wake in the night and miss you

i love you, even though you blow me up with a rocket launcher .

im so lucky to have played with you today,
i had lots of energy to, despite pushing and carrying things around and getting so tired ...

there's a growing sense of hope in all of this,,

imfsallingasleep

in the early mornings, i wonder if you still look forward to my writings here,
entirely rhetorical, of course.

i immediately worried about how my head would affect my writing, but

obviously, the answer is *to do my best* in expressing what remains so restless and tumultuously needy inside ...

i look forward to even our more mundane days together,,

you'resoincredibleandiloveyoulots,,

maybe i gaze at apartments in chicago wistfully,,
...it would be closer. that's all. mmmgfgjlmmbfdx

i want to do so much more for you,
so maybe i can make a good habit out of this ///

it's simply interesting that i'd still write for you while feeling like i've broken into a heap...

i don't imply that you're magical, no, but,
it's so interesting that i feel compelled and motivated where i otherwise simply am not .

does such a thing make sense ?

i simply think it's wonderful that i feel,
and what we have? it's very beautiful...

it'll become more and mooore... i ache thinking about it,,

my mind gnaws on itself, per usual,
as if to communicates thar i could look back at this and feel foolish. things have gone wrong before. not everything lasts forever,

yet this would remain even after. i don't want to hide all of this in shame.
i truly feel all of this. or, by then, 'felt' .

i think i'm meant to nurture this ...

i was confused when a song i very, very much enjoyed didn't truly resonate in my situation. in my circumstances... in my relationships previously,

but i think i went rabid for a moment when i relistened for the first time in a long time .

but i flail about with words, words, and words, since i can ...

i'm so glad you like that .

sometimes, i'd like to curl up against you, since inside you isn't quite feasible.

if we truly melted together, we'd probably have a slew of health issues together,
but i think it'd be warm.

you'd understand just how... intense it all is. what i've harbored in my heart...

worrying about them not enjoying such a thing ... which is fine ! but

i haven't had a little nest in my bed for since sharing my bed.... uuuu...

i was being bullied so i threatened to 'bury myself alive' !! and regrettably because i was talking to a close friend, this became,

"surely nobody will find you or continue to dote/bully you because they'll have no idea where to look! Surely not your nest!"

i'mm going to explode,,

iwanttomaidpostsobadly...

no, i am no better,
i would indulge you over and over and over...

for your pleasure, and my own.

such obsessions are not entirely rational,
yet you stoke and feed such a thing...
which one of us is the greedy one?

rationally, i think, reality could slap me in the face. things could very well be far different than i dream,

but i would simply trace what was real constantly, then dream anew.

does such a thing make sense ?

i am truly, truly lovesick.
i wonder painfully if i'll ever feel better ...

burying my blushing face into my pillow is hardly the remedy during these restless nights

but maybe if it were you beside me. maybe if i was holding you...

i have lots in my head, but none put into words
i hope my feelings suffice tonight,,

no, maybe i can write something crude. something far less eloquent than usual ...

really want to write, but... hhead hurts.... i can hardly thibjk11

we'll continue to love
in indefinite half-hour intervals

i'll do my very best to self-soothe. such a skill is important.
it, um, just happens to involve daydreaming about you, though, and receiving your very generous affections...

...i promise i won't just restlessly yearn all night. this time it's different,

it simply isn't fair to call me out .

no, i haven't stopped thinking about when you likened me to a dog since i haven't been doing myself any favors to disprove it ...

i wait patiently when you're gone... whenever you return or speak to me, whatever spectral tail i feel wags excitedly, i am quite obedient,