With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars.
We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director.
Please stand by for more.
Weed turns 420 years old today.
Let that sink in.
My variation on Thai coconut with tofu cubes in it
I made a real yummy soup tonight that’s getting rave reviews in my head
*Kash Patel, slurring* I ALWAYS LIKED THE PACIFIC BETTER ANYWAY
The FBI guy is on a paranoid bender and won’t leave his room.
The War guy quotes bible passages from Pulp Fiction.
The Health guy collects raccoon dicks.
It’s an Idiocracy on steroids.
I wouldn’t either
No strings attached
I can play. “Well” is subjective.
tomorrow
would you hang out with me if I had a ukulele.
be honest
Nine Inch Noize album drop today from Coachella
Woke my 8 mo niece up from her nap so she could listen to—
These fuckin chuds
Naming your biology LLM after Rosalind Franklin is… hell is not hot enough
John Travolta and Eric Stoltz from Pulp Fiction
Jesus and one of his 12 disciples
Not even 24 hours after JD Vance tells the Pope to be more careful when talking about theology does Pete Hegseth “misquote” the Bible by—
*checks notes*
—accidentally paraphrasing “Pulp Fiction" as scripture instead
I am rotating a brisket in my mind
Sid Rosenberg @sidrosenberg19 X.com Figures! Mr. Met ran away from ME last season!!! And he's hugging the Mayor! Mr. Met is an Antisemite!!!!!!! katie honan @katie_honan • 6d Mr. and Mrs. Met (@MrMet) meet Mr. @nycmayor
Sid Rosenberg O @sidrosenberg19 X.com Just when you thought things couldn't get worse we found out today that Mr. Met is a raging antisemite!
Sid Rosenberg • @sidrosenberg19 X.com This was me at Citifield last season being IGNORED by Mr. Met! Yesterday Mr. AND Mrs. Met were hugging and kissing our Antisemite Mayor @NYCMayor! Easy to conclude that Mr. Met is an Antisemite!!!!!
Sid Rosenberg @sidrosenberg19 X.com l'll be 59 on Sunday:) For the first time ever I'm sporting a Yankee jersey as I make my way to the Bronx. The official transition from a life long Met fan to a Yankee fan is now underway. Like my friend @CGasparino once wrote "Go Woke, Go Broke!" The Mamdani Mets are too WOKE for me! See ya at the Stadium soon fans!
Absolutely dying at right-wing radio host Sid Rosenberg getting so angry that Mr. and Mrs. Met hugged @mayor.nyc.gov that he started calling them antisemites and became a Yankees fan.
I’m about to leave for work and I better not see a man today
My literal gender reveal at age 45
My literal gender reveal at age 45
I’m not entirely sure this is the world I want my 17 dependents living in
Now that I’m middle aged, have had top surgery, and remain just 5 feet tall, I can achieve peak DeVito form
I have to memorize and restate eight random words now to take off my Allbirds tree runner shoes
unmute, this is 100% right
arson is a beautiful name for a nonbinary baby
I can’t tell you all how (alarmingly, perhaps?) excited I am to get my hands on this book—
@chanda.blacksky.app
Headline on Hollywood Reporter that reads ”Paddington 4, Escape From New York' Reboot in the Works”
I misread the headline as one movie and got very excited for a moment…
Clergy members smoking in the movie “Conclave”
me and all my non-religious friends gearing up to fight JD Vance on behalf of the Chicago pope
I can’t tell you all how (alarmingly, perhaps?) excited I am to get my hands on this book—
@chanda.blacksky.app