i actually cant express how legitimately upset i get writing my own fanfiction that i can actively choose to change anytime. i have cried twice over this today and i do not feel any better crying it out. its bleak.

thought about end of edw how it goes in sveinnverse (the specifics) and ive actually made myself so upset about it. like not in a good way. like creatively compelling and im glad for that but most of the bad stuff in pupae im like aw fuck this shit sucks (grinning evilly) i cant do that w ending

yes but its all fake

dont repost prints wip

zenos isnt even mad at himself so theres nothing to forgive actually he just wanted to be included

can sveinn forgive himself? can hermes? can emet? can zenos? can venat? can ryne?

zenos is the only smart character in pupae because he kiss and love sveinny

and how laha couldnt even talk to themis abt eric bc themis forgot everyone and everything. missed oppurtunity. :/

the same face he gave his son the son who he didn't watch grow up and hardly got to see and if going senile made things easier if in shb emet mused on how maybe it was for the best while recounting the early days after the sundering and how tortured laha was.

i feel like at least partially lahabrea going senile so quickly and body hopping so much should have related to ericthonios related regrets i think pandae should have ended on a bad note for him so that his subconscious reason for constantly body hopping was so he didnt have to see

remmeber when i used to tweet analysis like that of xiv every day multiple times a day and on fucking twitter. shb fandom covid lockdown was somethin else

so meteion is just an avatar for hermes within the narrative is what im saying. musing bc im drawing this piece and i get annoyed by how people spoke to artists who drew meteion back in the day. lol

and i mean in a way emet did give into his despair by not adapting to the new world. venat, the actual representative of hope did, and she furthered things for the next generation. she is antithesis to both emet selch and hermes.

in the face of despair most people like to think they would fight, and perceive emet selch as facing overwhelming despiar as well but the fact of the matter is emet did not have the full breadth of knowledge hermes did with regards to futility.

going to let themselves empathize with an adult man like that. because what hermes is upset about isn't righteous. it's not fun to project onto him. he's harder to understand bc of the abstraction despite how all encompassing despair is.

(lest we forget in omega when we go to challenge omega for the final fight we face the male but when its time to feel sorry for omega and hug alpha then we see the female version commit to those actions everyone learn about framing NOW) and b.) on some level the writers def knew an audience wasnt

the tragedy of hermes is impertinence. impotence of his own ability and the impotence of amaurotines as a whole and his recognition of. he has that depth to him where meteion doesn't. she is despair embodied. ultimately they were gonna use a cute little girl to represent sadness bc a.) square

they take him at face value when he says it wouldn't be murder if i killed you but they dont read between the lines (or any of the supplementary content). emet feeling guilt is debatable but he definitely knows what he's doing is wrong. but back to hermes and meteion

in one life and when the world changes you can do very very very bad things that go against all the good you stood for in the name of your supposedly noble cause. the misread on emet comes from the fact that people think emet doesnt think his own actions are morally objectionable

the tragedy of emet is different from the tragedy of hermes bc emet (and eli and laha) is they're capable, the tragedy of emet is a loss of innocence and carrying the weight of a dead society its the burden of both surviving and the burden of genius. emets tragedy is that you can be a good man

its no coincidence we meet emet right after the expac that makes us contend with garlemalds evils in myriad ways. zenos and gaius both were direct results of emet, and his hand was in allag too. emet again is sympathetic but in a different way from hermes

unless it was hero centric or he was supposed to be demonic. i know emet is beloved and shown in a sympathetic light YES but in terms of narrative framing he was always supposed to be "worse" than hermes in a sense bc emet is responsible for a lot of the wols pre shadowbringers grief.

ppl dont read it that way bc he interacts with her and all that but ultimately she's just a representation. she isn't even shown to have the capability of growth. she's a concept (literally but also in a literary way). and the thing is square was never gonna make a sad man be a sad man

xiv has astonishingly good child writing relative to the quality of the rest of its writing (alisaie alphinaud ryne and rielle) so its like yea i dont think she was supposed to be a daughter exactly. shes like when a guy has a cutesy oc and hides what hes like. his vtuber persona? lol

this is why meteion is hermes daughter while cute was never something i take seriously beyond a its cute thing bc she doesnt act like a daughter. ryne as thancreds daughter? perfection. meteion as hermes's actual daughter? eh. shes a weird animal dude not a small person

i know im totally an outlier in this way but i never saw meteion as her own character i always saw her as an empathetic and direct extension of hermes because she doesn't have a strong character of her own. she's not his fursona but shes close.

im both

theres lots of shit i think is dumb or ridiculous but i still dont like being mean to people even if people might be the source of the talk. the absurdity yk

one time i posted a joke wol qotd and it got like 80+ serious responses and i was so stunned and also i felt so mean. also once i made fun of a fandom drama anecdote i heard bc i found it preposterous and hurt many peoples feelings by laughing at the take. felt so bad man.