thank YOU maine

Posting pictures of your Euro travel summer is chic unless you’re in Italy or Greece, in which case I’m SICK OF YOU

lezzed out for pride this year 🙂‍↕️🥲

LOT GOING ON but on the bright side, I was at not one but two parties with Carvel ice cream cakes this week

if you’re not ranking Cuomo, and I’m not ranking Cuomo, then who’s flying the plane?

This current downpour of rain so good it makes me want to stand by the window with my hands on my hips and mutter “we needed this.”

Over Memorial Day weekend, I saw a Broadway show, went to Cowboy Carter, did a Flushing food crawl, Mets game, and walked Manhattan top to bottom… my body has met its maker. I feel exhausted, CRAZED even.

thank you to Maggie Q in red dress getting out of sports car at the Vatican for making me gay

love that I can be walking around Philadelphia, minding my business, and stumble onto a contest that involves 10+ men attempting to climb a greased lamp pole

Everyone tweeting and skeeting about the pope; meanwhile, I just started The L Word last night and my entire worldview has changed

Bathroom line at the Rosemont on any given night

80 degrees & sunny 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

In other news, Walton Goggins has a full frontal water skiing scene on this season of Righteous Gemstones

husband left to go see Smash the Musical without me

you don’t understand 🚨 MY ORCHID BLOOMED

*enters Marie’s Crisis and throws entire wallet in the tip bowl* 🗣️ PLAY THE DROWSY CHAPERONE START TO FINISH

Finally started The Pitt and I literally have to build a pillow fort around myself before I hit play on every episode

Coffee shop down the street is playing the Glee Power of Madonna album start to finish... turn that UP.

Jaclyn is Luann
Laurie is Sonja
Bob is Ramona

At a straight bar. They’re playing GaGa, they’re playing Rihanna. Now they’re playing Chappell? I’ve let my guard down. Then it happens: they play the Cupid Shuffle.

#SurvivaloftheThickest season 2 is streaming on Netflix RIGHT NOW, and #TheBondsman is coming your way on Prime next THURSDAY. I don’t know how I ended up on a rom com and a demon bounty hunting gorefest back-to-back, but here we are 🤘

Go stream #SurvivaloftheThickest season 2 on Netflix 🙂‍↕️ truly one of the best jobs

DC being under totalitarian control and having $22 cocktails… pick a struggle

we finally did it 😭

You ever see a Broadway show and there’s a member of the ensemble that’s queening out SO hard, like truly hitting his marks and tossing his hair and popping that hip, that you actually can’t focus on the show? Anyways the randomly caked up Iron Man who dances with Betty Boop stole the show.

not enough people talking about when she fucks the tree

At a sculpture garden back in South Carolina… now why is this gator wrangler so caked up… and why is the gator kind of enjoying it??

Ah yes my one party trick

Being gay and still drinking cold brew during the winter is such a 2015 bit, but I did just realize that I’ve always instinctively kept exactly one winter glove in my coat pocket that’s my “cold brew-holding glove” which is… GENIUS

Need to move to Brazil where people take to the streets when their movie wins the Oscar instead of when the Eagles win the Super Bowl