Update: I continue to not be Jeff Passan.

I'm merely place-holding this account handle because I was afraid some jerk would take it. The moment the real Jeff gets here, I'll happily hand him this username.

Yep. I squatted on it only because I was worried it would fall into the hands of an imitator, at which point he'd probably never get it. (It should've been reserved.) I'll hand it to him the second he gets here.