my friend texted me “Nnnnnnggghhh the playlist so good”

I don’t even need drugs, this is the shit that gets me high

standing in airport security lines like a broke bitch

and in another life, maybe I would have loved to be an uber driver

it’s crazy how I have one beer in the sun and life is worth living again

u forget where you parked one time and suddenly it’s “omg u need to sleep” .. ok and where was that when you were keeping me up hmm

diagnosing people with autism based on if they carry their rolling suitcase over this brick floor

when I eat a red grape I’m like oh yeah that’s a grape but when I eat a green grape i start moanin real loud

coochie drive em crazy, CDC

why do I keep imagining throwing giant parties where I invite everyone I know

I’m just a girl who needs big dog privileges

just found out periwinkles were flowers

hair dresser told me she has pics on her Pinterest of hair that looks just like mine 💅🏼

and we’ve always said that

I wonder if those trees that smell like shit ever considered not smelling like shit

that jump scare when a beautiful girl has an ugly boyfriend

jealousy’s a disease! hope it kills you!

just remembered I don’t have to laugh at things I don’t think are funny 🤩

“can I place you on a brief hold?” ..tf u gonna do if I say no?

see and my problem is that north should always be up/straight ahead of me and west should always be to my right. and that is not how it is

bumpin my music under the colorful lights of this carwash, kinda like we have the club at home

nails painted, cute outfit on, moaning in the candle aisle .. who want me

making a fool of myself in the candle aisle

they just said “lokenuinely what the helliante” .. I’m about to perform a citizens arrest

“yes definitely” is so definitive, who am I to argue!

Screenshot of the magic 8 ball app. I asked “should I go out?” at 11:53 pm and the magic 8 ball said “yes definitely”

just said “I shouldn’t be allowed to make my own decisions” but then I remembered.. technically I didn’t and it’s kind of the magic 8 ball’s fault

I knew my bar was in hell when I joked about jumping out of the car and he made a scene about locking the doors instead of about unlocking them …

setting my morning alarm for one hour from now, I should to be allowed to make my own decisions

silhouette of a person with giant scissors reaching out to cut the wings of another silhouette person with a briefcase and a bag in their hand. above the person with wings it says “throwing parties every night” and above the person trying to cut their wings it says “living in an apartment building”

every time I go to super fun afters it makes me so sad that I’m not hosting it

In my dream I thought of a really funny post then I woke up and forgot it 😔