You mean "illegal US military operation in Mexico fails, some people are dead, Mexican president demands answers."

Cowards.

The Infowars news is funny, yes. But more importantly, it is an outright rebuke of Alex Jones' evil.

It's testament to the strength and resilience of the Sandy Hook families who survived this bullshit for more than a decade as well as the Onion, which didn't give up on this for the last 18 months.

The demons I must fight: Abbadon the Destroyer, Haagenti of Goldesia, alcoholism, Amdusias the Player, knowing I have that kid somewhere in Indiana

a very small man in a red suit is dancing on a zigzag floor . ALT: a very small man in a red suit is dancing on a zigzag floor .

That Extra Demon Protection Patch I Keep In My Purse At All Times Because You Just Never Know is going to come back in style

The Onion!Infowars Store having both a "turn your piss into gold" and a "turn your gold into piss" product currently "sold out" is an extremely good bit.

Chief Justice’s Wife Made $10M+ as Legal Recruiter: Report At least one of the firms reportedly had a case before Chief Justice Roberts.

John Roberts’ Wife Made Millions From Bribes

Roberts accepted $10 Million in bribes disguised as recruiting fees from Law firms with cases pending before the Supreme Court.

www.thedailybeast.com/chief-justic...

I tell everyone not to swallow their papyrus and they never learn

lmfao

And bombing the Christian church in Bethlehem on Christmas Eve. That was a cute move too. That American Christians have ignored.

If you rewatch the Wire and imagine Carcetti is the second coming of Littlefinger it’s even better.

That was my dad in the yellow ‘34 5-window on the grass

I was a huge fan. My whole family is Navy so that helped.

My mom worked with one of his family members in Annapolis, MD in the early ‘90s, we went to their bbqs but he never showed…but they did hook me up with a ton of autographs. Bible verses on each one: and different ones each time.

An IOF member smashing Jesus’ face in with a sledgehammer. Well, a statue of Jesus, bc it’d be way bigger news otherwise, but still.

One for the all the American Christians still supporting Israel.

As useless as the Democrats are, it is nice to see pro-Israel candidates being booed and shamed at the DNC.

They are, of course, dead to any and constituents who don’t walk the centrist do-nothing line, but if nothing else it’s a nice signal from the voters.

You know he fucked up one take just for the next bit:

Cops: what was that you threw from the window back there?

BDT fucking around: oh that? Oh, that was just Leonardo di Caprio.

Reminds me off college, where - as an English major at a really great program at a great public U - I made sure to use the Simpsons words “cromulent” and “embiggens” in one paper per class each semester.

Never once got called on it. Graduated manga cum laude.

Reminds me off college, where - as an English major at a really great program at a great public U - I made sure to use the Simpsons words “cromulent” and “embiggens” in one paper per class each semester.

Never once got called on it. Graduated manga cum laude.

You’d be sure but you’d be wrong. The franchise has no ethics.

It’s owner is a multiple-incident sexual predator and career asshole, they knowingly drafted murdering gang members, they cheated their way to multiple Super Bowls, their most famous players are career conmen, they simply DGAF.

False, wrong, and incorrect. There, I just tapped you out to the count of three, bc I know you understand that much.

Your fandom is clogging your neurons. If a wrestling fan has any.

It’s still Daniel Day Lewis. Anemone was a masterclass.

A staged event is not and can not ever be a sport.

Cirque d Soliel (no idea how to spell it) is even more athletic and entertaining. Is that a sport?

Strippers can drop 20 feet on a pole and stop on a dime, swing around on it as well as any gymnast. Is stripping a sport?

Happy ending, year later that guy paid me to ghostwrite his book. Easy gig. Loved it.

It was a niche book, my future father in law was in that group. So one Xmas I gave him the book, “autographed,” with a note “remember they paid me to keep my name OFF the book!”

He passed; book is mine. Forever.

That Dishwalla song about telling us all our thoughts on god.

This is how you can tell someone who’s 45 from someone who’s 40.

Tell them “Creep” was a great song and then ask them which artist they were thinking of.

I hate you for bringing this back into my conscious memory. My brain is a No Crash Test Dummies safe space and you have violated that sir or madam and I demand reparations.

I used to be an automotive writer. One day around 2006 I was with some old-head writers and we were talking about our worst concerts…I said I saw spin doctors open for the Stones in ‘94 and it was a travesty.

Everyone laughs. Except one guy. Who tuned out to be the singer’s father.

ESPN *just* started their pro wrestling coverage…weeks before their first ever Wrestlemania. Gee I wonder if the two things are related.

Wrestling ain’t sports but half the time, neither is ESPN, it’s sports-related entertainment. Word used loosely.

Theft of tax money is another way to put it.

Thank you for your courage to publicly address abusive language.

Plus Vrabel is a Patriot, and they're the most ethically compromised franchise in probably all of pro sports. From their sexual predator of an owner all the way down.