Wife saw my tanline and figured out I've been wearing togas again

Video games

Hey man, we cool? I just noticed that when I look at you the reticle turns red.

Getting a follow on Mastodon: "Oh cool, someone likes my posts"
Getting a follow on Bluesky: "Oh neat, another bot I have to block"

They’ve been holding these charity events for 40 years and yet they still haven’t found a cure for wrestlemania. I’m starting to think the whole thing is a scam

Tiktok and youtube shorts aren't new things rotting our brains. They're just the latest iteration of Americans funniest home videos and that has been rotting our brains for decades

In the cyberpunk future, vampires will decorate their coffins like PC cases and put speakers on them. They will carry them around and challenge people to dance contests for their blood.

The typesetting:

the nonbinary rapper who frequently gets misgendered as a man: Mx. Sir-a-Lot

"Balls to the walls" derives from the Old English "Manparts to the ramparts".

One must imagine Sisyphus pregnant

I bet getting its hatch popped feels good for the capsule.

I play one card face down and end my post

Sometimes you can’t think of anything good to write, and that’s a perfectly normal thing a lot of writers struggle with. It just means you committed a great sin and displeased The Lord. It means He has punished you by cutting you off from The Source

Broke: They were roommates
Woke: They were lovers
Bespoke: They were a Force dyad

Do Klingons have a reverse Pon Farr, where one day they are all overcome by the logical urge to do taxes and arrange flowers?

Purple and teal is a Virtue. That hat is a Sin.

Monsters that have no sense of morality but will go to war over aesthetic disagreements

Is there a way to contact the astronauts on the International Space Station? I want to send them cheesy movies

In this case, thinking that I, someone who has not grown crystals since I was a small child, could create a setup that would produce nice calcium carbonate crystals despite the fact that most people on reddit think that is basically impossible in a home setting.

Pride-maxing. Going hubris-mode. Absolutely better-than-the-gods pilled.

There are some sick names in fiction, but I think the best is still "Murder-the-Gods-and-Topple-Their-Thrones"

I sing a single, beautiful note until everyone stops talking and looks at me. Then I tell them that it's time to leave my house.

It's TWO VAST AND TRUNKLESS LEGS OF STONE Tuesday!

Extremely rude

An important life skill they should teach in schools is being able to stop doubling down. To learn what it feel like to think and then say "woah yeah you're right, what I said was fucked up"

Still no clue what the hell that was about.

One time I was driving at night and someone followed me for a few turns. I got suspicious so I turned down a random alley and they and THEY KEPT FOLLOWING ME. I then made two random turns in rapid succession (partially doubling back) and quickly parked and turned my lights off. They drove past.

Mars-cels seething while their bones decay and tumors grow as the Venus-Chad enjoys a mojito outdoors (with a breather mask) on the observation deck of the aerostat habitat.

The bird feeder