Honestly surprised the cat isn’t Secretary of Transportation by now

Trump allegedly pardoned reality TV fraudsters because they "don’t look like terrorists."
Meanwhile, a guy quit his job to sail across the Pacific with his cat and got a hero’s welcome in Hawaii.

I don’t know what kind of society this is anymore, but it’s definitely one with a plot.

That's cold one.

I'm sure everyone will be very normal about this

Surgery's happening, I'm awake, and the doctor's asking ChatGPT for instructions.

"I love airports because the rules of society don't apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares."

i ain’t realize the typo until now😭

Whatsapp is literally full of people you don't talk to anymore

lol Duolingo unable to pronounce "kon-nee-chee-wah"

What is it about watching a 4-year-old tell a 78-year-old with the maturity of a 2-year-old to "shut up and go away" that is SO deeply satisfying?

"Daddy says he owns you. Can you get me an ice cream?"

Now they want to rename Greenland to be “Red, White and Blue Land” and yes this is the dumbest timeline.

When Wikipedia meets TikTok

Dump Susan Collins in 2026.

The Coultergeist makes me feel like I’m living in an upside down world.

Yesterday they renamed it the Gulf of America. Today it's snowing on the Gulf Coast. I'm not saying I did it... but I'm also not saying I didn't.

Thor arriving to Wakanda was real cinema.

"Can't let my girlfriend watch 'Drive' because I basically stole my entire personality from Ryan Gosling's character in the movie, and I'm not ready for her to see the blueprint of how I operate."
Key points

To Mike Johnson,

Thou shalt not ‘impose conditions’ on disaster aid to California.

California is the 6th largest economy in the world.

If thou fuck around, thou shalt find out.

Hindsight is always 20/20 but permitting Judge Cannon to remain on the Trump case without any challenge may have been a pivotal moment in our country's history.

sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night just thinking about what an incredible deal The Orange Box was

From now on TFG means “that felon guy.”

I’m sick of living through Wikipedia entries.

i am

𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥

and

𝐬𝐚𝐝

and

𝕱𝖚𝖑𝖑 𝖔𝖋 𝖗𝖆𝖌𝖊.

will u be the aha ha to my *sexy lip bite*

What if... our vibes touched... hahaha... jk... unless???

So my mom said she can take us to area 51 or pick us up, but she's not doing both.