This fucking weather is gonna kill me dog 30 on my way to work 60 on my way back how am I meant to prepare for this?

Happy now today! Sadly I can't actually celebrate currently.

"If I had a dick I WOULD BE USING IT!".

-(Big Dick Leah).

"It's so long I have to wrap it around my leg".

"She wants that hot nut".

My forehead veins are bulging more and more by the day.

do you wanna come over and juice our peens

If I wanted to be over there I'd use your shitty slow-ass zoom and scroll to get over there. Fuck you.

Why the FUCK does microsoft think it's at all acceptable for web powerpoint to recenter the view every time you click when zoomed in? I'm tryna move stuff over here don't put me over there where I can't see what I'm working on you vapid piece of shit!

If you've got a problem with intellectuals you're pretty much just admitting you're stupid.

Cat keeps running up and yelling at me while I'm on the toilet like dog I'm shittin' leave me alone for like 5 minutes!

The only video game I've had time to play so far this month is wordle.

Sometimes when my cat's done cleaning herself she smells like a wet scarf after a day out in the snow.

Goth wedding blood bath rave when?

I'm starting to get to the "I'd rather just sit at home and read a book" stage of my life.

If you know what day it is.

We call him the sun look up at noon you literally can't miss him.

Guys I'm really trying I'm channeling all my psychic energy I swear I'm gonna get us out of this mess I just don't sleep so well these days so I'm not at full power.

I keep finding people's clothes left in the laundry machines for hours I'm just gonna start pissin' on 'em.

The best part about Neutral Milk Hotel is you listen to some of their stuff and you're like "damn who could have made something like that?" and then you see a picture of them and it all makes sense.

SG-1 but O'Neill asks Kowalsky for a kiss before the surgery instead of some dumb stereo.

Chud Pinocchio be like.

Kermit could release an absolutely fire folk punk album but the big wigs at Disney are too lame.

Gonna spend my entire paycheck on pants this big penis really hurts my budget.

There's just something about a lady who can obliterate an enemy position from over 70 kilometers away.

If she don't got a 60 caliber barrel on her back I don't want her.

I know that advancements in military AI and robotics are kinda a bad thing but also I feel it's a necessary sacrifice that I might one day court my 3 story tall mechanized artillery wife.

It's really important that if you send someone a photo of a cat you tell them the cat's name.