Address all questions to nick5437@webtv.com

I explain it all on myspace.

I wish the voice in my head would read my Facebook page and see how cool it says I am, instead of being so mean to me.

2/2
You really have no friends, colleagues, a niece or anyone that can draw even just a charming stick figure for you? Work on yourself.

Anybody else feel this way? Whenever I see a band, event, comedian, scooter rally, op-ed or ANYTHING using an AI generated cartoon for their advertisement I immediately want nothing to do with them. 1/2

UPDATE: for their own reasons, my publisher decided not to do a hardback edition. Sorry.

Next Friday! Come see me in the student showcase at the Groundlings, with a great cast of hilarious imps, directed by Andres Parada! 7pm, five bucks!! https://groundlings.com/shows/spn

Next Friday! Come see me in the student showcase at the Groundlings, with a great cast of hilarious imps, directed by Andres Parada! 7pm, five bucks!!
groundlings.com/shows/spn

They made gas scarce, but gaslighting abundant.

Hit w flour

You hit me w yr flour

More Abby and Nick and Los Feliz at no Kings

Abby and Nick at no Kings protest in Los Feliz

Mom: Help! Is anyone here a doctor?

Veterinarian: I treat horses but maybe i can help

Mom: My son broke his leg!

Veterinarian: Ok hang on. My rifle's in the truck

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making dumbasses too stupid to understand they're idiots

I saw UROTSUKIDŌJI early 90s at the Red Vic and had the same reaction.

Tomorrow! Come see me at the Groundlings in a hilarious show with a group of hilarious improvisors, directed by Samantha Desurra!! 7:30 pm, just five bucks (cash works!)! Yay! See ya there!!

Tomorrow! Come see me at the Groundlings in a hilarious show with a group of hilarious improvisors, directed by Samantha Desurra!!
7:30 pm, just five bucks (cash works!)!
Yay! See ya there!!
groundlings.com/shows/improv...

Me: I know pantyhose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone

Teller: So is this not a robbery?

Me: No, it is

A fake ICE tip line reveals neighbors reporting neighbors A Nashville comedian’s deportation hotline, set up as a joke, has gone viral among viewers who say it shows the “banality of evil personified” in the U.S. immigration crackdown.

New: A comedian set up a fake ICE tip line as a joke. Then 100 calls flooded in: neighbors ratting on neighbors, a teacher reporting a kindergartener. Fans say the viral TikToks revealed deportation's "banality of evil." Conservatives say he should be in prison wapo.st/4kM4qbF

I not only wear an analog watch, I use the glow from my cell phone to read my analog watch.

I say we just fast forward to the part with the bunker, the Lamppost and the trials.

Announcer: This program is intended for mature audiences only

Me: HELL YEAH LET'S SEE THE TITS

Yes 10,000% out of 10!

Contractor: So what features do you want for your parking lot?

Trader Joes: Too small. Hard to access. Counter-intuitive. Same as always

My idea:
1: Hire one of those delivery robots.
2: Fart into it.
3: Have it delivered to someone.
4: Surprise!
I'm a genius.

There's a nap for that.

Antifa would be a beautiful girl's name

Just please don't let Grimace show up in the Epstein files

Doctor: Your wrist pain is from repetitive motion. Can you stop doing it at work?

[Cut to me doing the jerkoff gesture thru every conference call]

Me: Sadly, no

I’m auctioning off this piece on Instagram! All proceeeds go to THE ADVOCATES FOR HUMAN RIGHTS in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Let’s show some love for our friends in this wonderful place !

Melania poster altered to say "my husband fucks kids"