A flyer that reads: Are you, like me, a deranged little creep who mostly values the idea of sitting? Do you find relaxation gauche and aesthetic harmony undignified? Maybe you’ve heard your friends describe your personal style as GG Allin-meets-failed urban farmer? If this is starting to feel like a targeted attack, well then, honey, have I got the couch for you! While I cannot make you any promises as to the comfort or longevity you’ll enjoy with this hulking grey burden, this baby comes with a few lost coins and a lot of half-remembered lore. But don’t worry, as far as you know, no acts of “content creation,” domestic terrorism, or Gaming have ever been committed while we sank into its bowing frame. If we like you, maybe you’ll get a few stories while we watch you struggle to discover the sacred geometry required to get this thing through one of our marginally accessible doors. I know, I know…you’re already thinking “Ok, I’m interested, but I just know I can’t afford a once-in-lifetime treasure like this.” Believe me, I’ve had the same thought a million times, and I already own it! The good news for you is that I’m willing to part with My Couch for absolutely nothing but the dignity it costs you to face me and tell me that you actually want it. Is that a price you’re willing to bear? There has to be another catch, right? WRONG. There are, however, a few stipulations: 1. I do not let cops, fascists, or capital-S Swifties (casual fans will be vetted) into my home. If you need clarification on who qualifies as the middle category, no you don’t. 2. I will not help you move the couch. That is, of course, unless you ask very nicely. 3. I request, but do not require, that you bring us a small trinket from your own home as a sign of affection and appreciation. 4. If you have a dog, please bring them. LOVE YOU!
Please repost for awareness.
