😭 why am I such a hoe at night

Oh three I’ve proven already

I wonder how many loads I could hide in my beard at once

Tag a friend

(But with cum)

Oh.

Oh this visual is going to carry me through the weekend 🥵

A shirtless selfie with my large beard and chest out, featuring my newish shorter hair. In the background is warm orange-ish lighting, some plants and books on my shelf, and decorative cushions.

Idk, I feel like there’s still a little mileage I can get out of shorter hair and chest fuzz

Good theys/girls/boys recycle, for those who need to hear it

An elevator selfie with my new short short hair and standard black outfit. I have headphones in and a large bag of recycling in one hand and a phone in the other.

Separate your recycling kids

We’ve gotta try to unfuck the planet for when the boomers are finally defeated

Deadass just throwing on a pair of briefs and doing a push up for Halloween and calling it mini Zangief

🫠🫠🫠

Still dad shaped, but now with summer length hair

The temptation to get horns is so real

Don’t you fucking start

Stop the drilling, except for this

Ethical dick is my favorite flavor

A selfie with my new plant leather vest, and my usual spiked arm/bicep bands and harness underneath In the background is a dark green wall and and bedding with a celestial print

Project faux leather daddy is coming along

Oh it might be the giant Baphomet ring

If you wear short enough shorts the god botherers on the street leave you alone

And you get a nice breeze

Which is absolutely fine, it’s when the story suddenly changes that twists my tits, in a bad way

HA! That one never fully got translated for me, but I think it’s reserved for if you’re already married? Like a cute was of saying affair?

Slip in my DMs if you wanna slip in my throat

I just want carbs and a roll around on a Friday night, not a hand in marriage, i thought this was supposed to be easy

Me: I live alone and I’m not relationship orientated, I just want someone to come over on occasion, eat pizza, play Street Fighter, and if it comes to it play Street Fighter in the bedroom.

Men I end up speaking to: Oh, you want me to stalk your absolute life out and send you 20 questions at 9am?

Oh we love a cockring with a tassel 🖤

I’m waiting for the panties to be finished

A bedroom selfie featuring a mesh tshirt and short shots highlighting the need for less clothing in the upcoming weather. In the background a hunter green wall can be seen with dark bedding and a bedside table.

It’s like wearing a shirt but also not

A mirror selfie in red lighting featuring an incredibly tight pair of pleather lace up chaps and a vest.

Like ten pounds of sausage poured into five pounds of casing

I’ll manage to sleep at night over this one