I understand the concept and don’t need your help.

But I’ve never done this before and don’t know what I’m doing so show me what to do.

Why are you looking at me that way?

More things should glow in the dark

Oh no the sky has fallen

there are no late-night words needed

ME: i signed a new cliENT

COWORKER: why did you say it like that

*Treebeard rips the roof off of the office*

A bee hummingbird hovers in mid-air, wings a blur, as it approaches an orange composite flower held in a human hand. The background is blurred and indistinct. The bird is perfectly captured in mid-air, its body leaning into a flower meal. "A wild adult male bee hummingbird feeding from a handheld flower. © Michael Nolan/Getty" https://www.discoverwildlife.com/animal-facts/birds/facts-about-hummingbirds

The smallest extant (avian) dinosaur is the bee hummingbird, which weighs approximately 2,690,000 times less than her T. rex ancestor.

Scientists believe some shrinkage occurred during the Ice Ages. 😉

(📷: Michael Nolan, Getty)

i was working on an excel spreadsheet at work and i accidentally hit numbers lock while typing in some amounts and i didn’t notice right away so it took me to a dark place in excel i don’t think i’m supposed to see

My tongue used to wrap up in around my skull like a woodpecker's but that mechanism grew tired as I got older and now I have to walk around with it out like a lanyard.

Help! I’m scrolling and I can’t get up!

Could an empire in decline do THIS? *launches deeply unpopular invasion cementing status as lunatic-led pariah state, its not clear what kind of move i was trying to do*

every time i pull cash out of the atm there should be a 1% chance to pull a rare holographic bill

We should remember part of humanity is also generating complete nonsense. I'd like to see AI wake up at 1am with a vision of a sitcom about Dracula who has two pomeranians, one liberal and one conservative, with a theme song that includes the lyric "it's a two cup teacup politics dust up."

Randomly remembered this:

How many Lowes could a Rob Lowe rob if a Rob Lowe could rob Lowes?

Her: Could you pass the salt and pepper?

Me: No, but I can push it to you.

Her: Push it?

Me: Push it real good.

Three panel comic. Panel 1: two friends at a table in a bar. One of them says, “here we go.” Panel 2: He continues, “Derek is doing his pickup routine again.” Derek is person-sized anole lizard in a brown leather jacket. He’s at the bar, drink in hand, extending his dulap (the red, retractable piece of flesh under a lizards neck) at a woman sitting next to him. Panel 3: the two friends at the table are dumbfounded to see Derek successfully attracted this woman, and they are leaving the bar together.

WELL MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, YOU SHOULDN’T DESCRIBE YOUR BABY AS “BOUNCY” THEN?

serving throbbing pastrami melts that sing in colors you can’t name at the psychedelicatessen

many don’t know that the phrase “have a good one” is referring to a hot dog

[after a solid minute of the funeral director staring at us, i repeat]

…bunk coffins

[my wife doing stacked hands motion]

like…double decker

doug: I think we’re lost

me: make a u turn

dong: that was not helpful

(twentieth pilot enters cockpit) ok certainly that's the last one

i don’t care about flowers but you can lay a slice of pizza on my grave when i die

asking people if their child is ai generated so they stop showing me pics of their kids

[my first day as a Mexican cop]

ME: *looks at a burning automobile* who did this?

OFFICER: cartel?

ME: *rubs chin thoughtfully* no buddy we’re gonna have to figure this one out on our own

ME: pack a bag, we’re flying to kansas

MY WAYWARD SON: what kind of bag

🎥🎞Film Trivia🎞🎥
George Lucas owns the rights to the term “Episode 1”

If you look at the first episode of any TV Series from 1999 onwards, they all call themselves “Pilot”, a nod to Anakin’s skills on the podracing circuit

A man walks on the sidewalk with two small dogs in his pockets, while a duck on a leash wears shoes. It is captioned “A man with two dogs in his pockets, walking a duck wearing shoes” on a bar mid-photograph.

You wake up in the morning
With gray clouds overhead
And you struggle for the will
To rise up out of bed
The world outside is frightening
A sad and dismal place
You pray for inspiration
A moment of pure grace
Maybe there’s something out there
To take away these blues
Perhaps

Pharmaceutical grade potatoes for dinner

who just straight up drinks milk, you know that shit was squirted out of them wiggly plump fingery boys dangling off an animal with like 87 stomachs right?

Why do I have to pretend that I'm going to print something in order to save it as a PDF. Why do I have to engage in a little ruse.