Got called a film buff at work yesterday feeling like this. Riding that high for a while

Everybody is gay.... on gay island

I use to be somebody

Are you ready to enter a world of pain playboy?

*approaching a girl at the bar*

This is going to sound crazy but you were in my dream last night and you died you fucking died you got destroyed there was nothing left of your body

*ordering fast food in the year 2060*

Yeah uhh gimme some of that red stuff mixed with the blue stuff hold the green stuff please, oh $160 seems reasonable that's my entire weeks pay thank you

Right wing e girls are so retarded and disgusting because they gave themselves brain damage from having an eating disorder

This post is brought to you by displate get your own stupid metal poster of Rick and Marty fucking smoking weed or whatever

He's coming back in the series finale

Excuse me ma'am I think that guy put something in your drink

*they turn to look but its actually me standing there across the bar now and when they turn back to me at the table I have vanished without a trace*

It's crazy how school bus driver is like a really important job but every school bus driver is a 45 year old alcoholic women whats up with that

Yeah welcome to my house just step around the 3 full litter boxes and if you want we can have sex on my twin sized floor mattress with the big yellow stain

If I found out all fast food was human meat I would probably be okay i guess nothing I can do about it now

From whence you came, you foul beast

Tetris should be the only video game ever

It seems you have gotten rounder anon, this pleases me

"The government is making fake snow" okay why are they doing that?

We are all immigrants, except for me I was born directly from God in providence, Rhode island

The government is making this huge storm happen so all the idiots who bought snow plows 7 years ago can recoup their loses

I won't go quietly I will always fight to my last breath

Guy got fired at work today because he opened his car door and a bunch of empty vodka nips fell out like something a cartoon character would do after a bender and the plant manager was parked right next to him

two tickets to hamnet please, hold the ham

I ❤️ civil liberties but I would never ever ever ever stand up to my boss because I might lost my income for rent and cheeseburgers

It's easy to say horror movies suck now and are mainstream with bad guys named like "the grabber" who grabs kids but 20 years ago we had shit like "the bye bye man" so who's to say what's better

Gordon ramsay: this is dreadful you actually eat this crap every night?

63 year old round headed red faced englishman: me misses ain't the best cook... but aye luv her

Who's trying to play

Spending 20 mins on the toilet at work on a Friday night is low key a vibe

This is not good I am fucked

I just don't want the diaper boys

I made the mistake on here of quoting a fetish account as a joke and now my timeline is just hairy bears and diaper boys :(