The only thing preventing me from becoming famous is talent and appeal. If I had those, I'd be unstoppable.

So APPARENTLY if you keep shouting "It's steam punk summer!" People will eventually expect you to explain what that means.

Being nervous all the time is my primary form of cardio

Hey guys, don't worry about this whole AI art thing. I asked Chatgpt if it was ethical, and it says it is!

The enemy of my enemy is named Carl.
Fuck you Carl!

One nation under gah!

you: i must get rid of this bath water.

me: okay

you: i must also throw this baby out with it.

me: no, do not do that.

Doing yoga is healthy and awesome and has many benefits, but it also sucks to know that you wouldn't be an appealing mate for the girl in the Piña Colada song

I want a detective show that takes place in California, where the head detective is super pedantic. It's called Technicali.

Writing tip:

The Oxford comma is out:

For dinner I had steak, lentils, and soup.

The Shatner comma is in:

For dinner I, had steak lentils, and, soup.

Any chip is a one chip challenge if it's tied to a bear.

Vincent Van Gogh takes a long drag of his cigarette. "My ear? I haven't heard that name in years."

This isn't the story I fucking wanted, WISHBONE!!!!

I wonder when everyone's going to find out I'm just 3 kids in a trench coat.

The anti fluoride movement and the male loneliness epidemic are connected somehow.

Saying "that's AI" when I see things I don't like in real life.

I'm a poet and I didn't even yet come into awareness of such a fact.

But do any of them match?

skateboarding is funny because your worst enemies are security guards and little rocks

me: are you close?
water im trying to boil: no.

No one ever taught me how to dougie, and I think that's the key to most of my problems.

You should look over your employment contract. Sometimes it's in the fine print.

𝘈𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘗𝘪𝘦 is my favorite 8-minute-37-second-long song about baked goods.

They've go bases AND balls!?!?! I gotta check this out!

Is it me? Or is it me?

No, YOU’RE high as a kite, you just might stop to check you out, bro

"Why did I just do that?" - Me pretty much every time I stand up.

give me a sec i'm just typing out some little mini rants and deleting them without posting i'm doing us all a favor ok