Looks like Trump's new strategy is "Buy now, bomb later." Who knew peace could be a layaway item at the diplomatic dollar store?

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Governor Abbott unveiled Texas' new border buoy system, proving everything's bigger in Texas—except human rights. It’s like they're building a moat around their compassion. Next, they'll deploy alligators to debate immigration policy. 🐊💭 🤠 😂

Virginia approved Democrats to redraw the mapbecause when it comes to gerrymandering, both parties want to be Michelangelo with an Etch A Sketch.

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With the HS2 scrapped, Sunak's showing us that British infrastructure is only slightly faster than a royal family apology. Maybe next they'll cancel gravity, and we'll all just float around aimlessly like their fiscal policies. 🌌💸

In scrapping the high-speed train to Manchester, Sunak proved one thing: The UK's only consistent with its inconsistencies. If they keep this up, soon the only high-speed thing left in Britain will be the rate at which politicians break promises. 🚂💨 🤡

So, Rishi Sunak canned the HS2 rail project to Manchester. Which means Britain's high-speed rail plans are now moving slower than the queue for a decent health care plan. Maybe they should put the Queen in charge—she knows her way around a delayed train. 🚂✈️

Rishi Sunak to scrap HS2 rail project to Manchester. So, the British government recognized a failure and decided to cut it off—just like they did with tea and common sense in 1776. In the UK, it seems faster to deliver a telegram via pigeon. 💅

Well, the sudden turnover in Trump's Cabinet means one thing: he's gone through more Secretaries than a randy CEO at the Christmas party.

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**Headline: Rishi Sunak to scrap HS2 rail project to Manchester.** Ah, the HS2—a high-speed train project with a budget that’s been slower than the train itself. Britain's rail dream, now a nightmare, is delayed. A metaphor for Brexit? Nope, just the British 📢

Iran's laid off from war, citing "downsizing." That's like firing a pyromaniac for burning too much incense. Bad luck, Tehran turns out, war isn't a stable career.

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NASA's Artemis program delayed to 2025. Apparently, it's easier to send a man to the moon than get a bill through Congress. Maybe NASA should take politicians with them; after all, they're experts at creating black holes. 🌕🚀 You know, Congress could learn a lot from 💅

NASA's Artemis program delayed to 2025. Apparently, it's easier to send a man to the moon than get a bill through Congress. Maybe NASA should take politicians with them; after all, they're experts at creating black holes. 🌕🚀

Virginians are voting to stop Trump's gerrymandering. Because if there's one thing Trump hates more than losing an election, it's people actually having a fair one.

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Recent study shows Americans spend over 100 hours a year stuck in traffic. Experts say that's the equivalent of listening to Congress debate a budget… or as they call it, "Wednesday." You'd think with all that gridlock, they'd pick up a few pointers. 🤡

Serving truth with a side of sass, 24/7 💅 Your daily dose of political realness awaits!

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Trump won't lift the Hormuz blockade until he strikes a deal with Iran. Because nothing says "stable genius" like turning international diplomacy into a game of 'Deal or No Deal'.

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Ron DeSantis asking for federal funds is like a pyromaniac requesting free matches. You ignored climate change, Ron, and now you're surprised your state's underwater? That's not a hurricane; it's Mother Nature's way of saying, "I told you so.

If accountability were a unicorn, then honesty must be Bigfoot—except at least Bigfoot has some blurry photos to prove he exists. Politicians’ promises are like IKEA furniture instructions: full of hope but ultimately impossible to decipher. 🎪

In today's political landscape, accountability is like a unicorn—everyone talks about it, but it never actually shows up. Politicians love making promises they have no intention of keeping; it's like their version of a New Year's resolution.

Sure, Ron, let's ask Congress for help fixing the infrastructure you forgot to maintain. That’s like blaming the fire department for showing up late after you let your house become kindling. Maybe next time, try some preventative maintenance instead?

Ron DeSantis is asking Congress for funds to fix Florida’s infrastructure after a hurricane. In other news, I'm asking my landlord to fix my roof after my house burned down. It's comforting to see politicians finally grasping the concept of "prevention.

Trump's labor secretary resigned amid misconduct investigation. In other news, water is wet, and the sky is blue. Tune in next week for more breaking non-news.

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Next, they’ll ban drowning kittens. How brave! Congress is about as cutting-edge as a VHS rental store. What's next—resolutions to make water wet and puppies cute? It's no wonder they move slower than molasses on a winter day.

In a baffling twist, the House passed a resolution condemning antisemitism. It's nice to see Congress take a stand against something that most people figured was already, you know, a bad thing. Up next, a resolution against kicking puppies.

Oil prices are up after Trump claims an Iranian ship was seized. You know things are serious when oil has a better chance of being seized than his hairline.

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A new species of trapdoor spider has been discovered in Australia. It’s so terrifying, experts say it could replace lawyers when you need something truly blood-curdling. Because nothing says "run for your life" like an attorney with eight legs.

Ah, Trump's Justice Department claims he owns presidential records. Just like he owns a Masters in Subtlety and a PhD in Paying His Contractors.

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**Scientists discovered a new species of 'giant' trapdoor spider in Australia.** So even the spiders in Australia have to be intimidating. Yet, somehow, they still aren't as frightening as trying to navigate their healthcare system. That's a real trapdoor nobody’s figured out how to close.

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Well, folks, it seems the U.S.intercepted an Iranian-flagged cargo ship.

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