i'm tired of being told to stop doomscrolling. i'm just scrolling, it's not my fault there's doom on there

Someone just found out how babies work.

To an asshole, all virtue is "virtue signaling."

Calendar of medieval dick pics

Why can I never find a calendar I actually wa-

🙋‍♂️

Dear trolls,

If you start your comment with “Go ahead and block me—” I will. Almost always without reading the rest of your comment.

In the interests of craftsmanship, it’s better to leave that line til the end. I’m probably still going to block you, but at least that way your comment got read.

A restaurant board sign that reads: “we are not all in the same boat. We are in the same storm. Some have yachts. Some have canoes. And some are drowning. Just be kind and help when you can.

I love this.

Anyway, it's not an echo chamber, it's a neighborhood cookout in my backyard. Everyone's invited and welcome, but the second you act like a shithead to me or our neighbors, I throw you over the fence into the gully.

We are happy you are here!

If it looks like a nazi and goosesteps like a nazi…

you want queer people to see you as a 'safe' christian? show some fucking shame. help us fight, help us survive, even if that means fighting the people you go to church with. acknowledge that you are a complicit part of a machine that has done incomprehensible harm.

Snark hard today, my fluffy hamsters! Right now it's all we have. Also waffles.

I do the same thing. Just play it over and over until I’ve wrung out the last little bit of dopamine. Then I never want to hear it again (well almost)

“Maybe we can buy Red Lobster Next” sounds like you’ve got yourself a new tagline, Sir!

My husband has mentioned the same problem with audiobooks when he’s stopped at a light with the car windows down.

Dear god, I remember this album!