Armageddon/Deep Impact
Antz/A Bug’s Life
Coco/The Book of Life
Frankenstein/The Bride!
Project Hail Mary/The Mario Galaxy Movie

Little known pop-culture factoid to bring up at your next party to impress all the dames:

Did you know Viggo Mortensen broke his toe when he kicked John Lennon’s wife?

I keep going back and forth between reading that Truth Social post in a douche bro voice and a valley girl voice to determine if Hegseth or Miller wrote it.

I take no joy in this, but if the White House is going to be this bad at pretending Trump is up and healthy, we the people will have no choice but to assume that he pooped himself to death.

Though, “So long as I’m back before my Historical Preenactment Society rehearsal. We’re doing the 2nd Moon War,” and, “Isn’t that the bear that’s always stealing your ideas?” “GET HIM!” are both in the conversation.

I figured it couldn’t be, because you’re standalone comics are some of the funniest things I’ve ever read. But going through them again, they were filled with hilarious concepts, and not Simpsons-esque punchlines like this. Best I found was, “Pull the wings off wasps to make ‘super ants.’”

Yeah, that’s why I’m watching the Hollywood movie version instead of the brutal 6-part documentary on Tubi. These kids need to be entertained, and I only have so many joke books on hand to crib from.

On the one hand, Jesus fucking Christ. But on the other hand, Chewsdayer goes hard as an anti-British slur.

I think I was only on the JP forums for a week before he got banned. But that week was enough to make me loathe him. I didn’t even know who he was until everyone got together to celebrate. He was just an edgy png who couldn’t tell a joke to save his life but, but also couldn’t stop spamming them.

Streaming services should offer the option to replace the opening credits music of shows with the Deep Space 9 theme.

Jensen Ackles: Okay… I mean, I’m also pretty sure he’s dead.

Jiminy Glick: I can’t say I’m surprised. It sounds like he’s the kind of diva who collects enemies like pogs!

Jensen Ackles: [looks at watch]

Jensen Ackles: Well I was only on the one episode and…

Jiminy Glick: [interrupting] And he felt you were BENEATH him because you were just a guest star?! Oh, I DO hate just how FAKE Hollywood can be, and yet also I love it…

Jiminy Glick: Of course it is! Now tell me, Judson, you were on Wishbone. [super high pitched] Do you two still keep in touch?

Jensen Ackles: Come again?

Jiminy Glick: You and Wishbone. He’s a handsome young gent, and I always wanted to meet him!

Jiminy Glick: Hello I’m Jiminy Glick! And I am just delighted to be sitting here with my good, good, GOOD friend… uhhh… Judson Ackles. Judson?

Jensen Ackles: Hey, great to be here.

Not gonna lie, when I initially saw the game lineup, I was hoping that they’d again put the tiny 2D game physically on cart and require a download for the 3D games. Friggin’ Game Key Cards keeping me from having a physical copy of Ghost Babel for my Nintendo handheld…

And as we all know, Demon is a portmanteau of DEI Monsters, so…

I can’t say I’m surprised to learn that the pedophile industry is officially Too Big to Fail (TM), but I’m not happy about it either.

I keep trying to think up jokes, but all my brain is capable of bringing up is, “Remember that time he told someone to finger their dad’s butthole in order to win the dumbest online argument ever? That was really fucking weird.”

Did I fall asleep?

At a news conference, Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem characterized the incident as an act of domestic terrorism on…

I never thought I’d agree with Kristi Noem on anything, but here we are.

I just now noticed my typo here, and I’m not sure if it made the post better or worse.

A Magic the Gathering card with a sandstorm Sand Storm 3 Instant d a C 0034 TLA EN . ROBIN HAR 02025 Viacom. TM & C 2025 Wizards of the Coast

DDDDD

Wasn’t Katy Perry’s space thing/viral concert footage this year? I realize her stock entered the year hovering around zero, but surely it went far enough into the negative to crack the Bottom 10.

If you ran an extra long episode of Always Sunny through a Kevin Can F**k Himself filter, you’d end up with something really close to Marty Supreme. What an incredibly difficult film to sit through, but in a (mostly) hood way.

Watching The Princess Bride this morning, and it’s really sad knowing that this was one of the last things Andre the Giant did before succumbing to TDS.

I at first thought he was riding around on an old penny-farthing bicycle, which would make him trying to communicate via stone engraving extra funny.

Death: “You really shouldn’t turn your back on your fellow man.”

Me: “Hey! Come back here and tell me about this yuri, Music Man!”

I don’t know why it’s called the Oedipal Complex. All dude did was kill his dad and fuck his mom. Sounds pretty simple to me.

Guy who’s knees bend the wrong way: I’m built different

I know it may sound extreme, but if you think Jonbenet Ramsey should have an Instagram account, I want nothing to do with you.

Social media is obviously awful for the mental health of children, but it’s also proving to be really bad for adults as well. That’s why I propose that no one should be allowed on Facebook or its ilk until they’re either 21 or dead, whichever comes last.