yes lets make a fucking joke about it and ruin my day part 2

gods fuck me i guess

I had such a good day and then creepy fucking family ruins it.

nonstop mind numbing training

ill get back to my writing one day eventually ..

I got bored and made this lol

HELLO??

idk why pyros talking like that when he behaves the same way when im at work

is it broken

@stormienyghts.bsky.social tell the nerd

♇ᡣ𐭩

Hey, just a heads up, there is a writer who joined Bluesky recently after getting called out for multiple reasons. The writer in question goes by Z (Zhanna) (@/tyratyrsdottir.bsky.social). I'll post most of what I can and know, along with posting the original post. I want to share this info was

Finally. We're on our way home

Im going insane! No fucking answer! Its an hour drive just give me my fucking baby back I was supposed to get him BY FRIDAY!

..If I dont get to bring my baby home this evening you guys are gonna see a crashout

That said, I am using grief resources, and might get grief counseling. Tomorrow, I will be getting a call that its tome to bring my baby home, but that will just be remnants of a body he left behind when we said goodbye

I so desperately want allow myself to believe this isnt real, but that wouldnt do his memory or my love for him any justice.

I have to constantly remind myself, that it was simply just his time. He became inseparable from me the moment we brought him home to the moment I told him he could go.

I am sad because my life revolved around his, and his around mine. I had him for the shortest 6 years, but he had me all of those 6 years. The breeders he came from are notorious for health complications and short life spans.

In doing this, I have to remind myself of facts, and with that comes intense grief and reality of it all. Someyhing I learned in therapy years ago.

My mental health has been lying, saying its my own fault, that I missed something or killed him out of my own carelessness or a thousand different reasons, putting me into panic attacks or hyperventilating from guilt that isnt true or real.

I want to make it clear through all of this. Im not in a dark place, Im not going to spiral into something harmful.

But with my anxiety disorder, autism, and so on; wrapping my head around all of this means I must force myself to confront it all head on and know the concrete details.

I KNOW I cant just let myself waste away and that this is a process but holy fuck. I hate how quiet it is without him, I hate checking around for him on reflex, I hate waking up and not finding him near me.

I feel like shit! Nothing is piquing my interests, not even my hyperfixations or special interests. I cant get my safe foods down. I dont even want to talk to my own boyfriend or bestfriend. Whenever I was down or spiraling, taking care of or paying attention to Kodo brought me out of it.

last arranged his nest box, my pink sweater he insisted on sleeping in, his stupid blue tunnel I keep tripping on. I loved him so deeply, I dont know how to live my day without him

it will get better. My best friend for six years, 24/7, died in my arms while I held him and told him he could go. Now Im
stuck staring at his blankets, his plushies he stole from my bed, where he last stashed a lambchop squeaky, his uneaten treats, his half finished bowl, how he

I so desperately want him back. It feels like I'm stuck suffering from bad dream I cant wake up from. I cant eat, I cant sleep, I cant function. Im just constantly sobbing and nothing is making it better. Everyone keeps saying to take it easy or it will take time, but it doesnt ever feel like

I would give anything in this world to have my stinky little trouble maker back.

I have never mourned the lack of a creatures presence more than this. I havent stopped crying since that morning he wasnt able to greet me anymore, and told me something was wrong.

I miss the way he would instantly be naughty if I left the room. I miss his stupid scratching in the middle of the night. I miss his kisses and cuddles and the way he insisted on sleeping with me when it was cold