we’re gonna win

just tell me where to send my meager dollars

(me gnawing on a bone) people need money, me help. me money good help.

college football people are basically cave men and cave women but tell them people need money and they say money good, me give money, me help

it’s all we can do

guys wearing these glasses and just recording getting their shit rocked

psychopath behavior

i do not consent to you recording me and i shall protest thusly

i’m the world’s most episcopalian human being, i am nice to the point where it’s weird how nice i am, and if you record me with glasses i am going to throw a joe frazier left hook so big you go back in time like marty mcfly

bing bong you are back in 1955

san francisco and los angeles, same city. (i run away giggling)

whoops gotta go

this is basically throwing a hand grenade into a party and running away

absolutely dying, it’s day one

a few people in his orbit knew he was gonna shoot

oswald shot kennedy, the least boring correct opinion of all time. but at least a couple people knew he was gonna do it.

you gonna let this dumb guy here out work you, bad look for you

donate to the charity bowl. i’m a broke ass public school teacher and i can throw three hundred bucks at helping refugees. i know you hoes make more money than i do.

edsbscharitybowl.com 🦈

this shit is easy to me

he would play darts and hit four bullseyes and then go watch television.

i think my dad is probably the single most talented person i have ever met, he was so naturally good at everything, and being the son of an alcoholic abuser pretty much destroyed his soul. it’s a miracle he graduated from ucla and had three kids and a normal family.

turns out you can be really good at everything but it doesn’t matter if your parent is an alcoholic monster and drives your self confidence into the dirt. my dad could have been anything. he could have been president. and he was ground into a little nub of a human being.

he was the single biggest nerd in history and he would say watch this and hit a bullseye on a dart board.

i remember going camping with my dad and his best friend and my dad would say watch this and throw a frisbee a hundred yards to an exact spot and smile. yeah i can do that.

i mean i just didn’t know.

the days throwing the ball around with my dad were the single best days of my life. and he was so fucking good dude. he was a chemist and a nerd and so uncool but he could flip a ball like it was nothing. it was only after he died i found out he threw three no hitters in high school.

he was clark kent with superman in the bag

we did a father son game when i was ten years old and he fucking launched a pitch over the fence and looked at me and winked. yeah i have that in the bag.

i mean it’s your old man. my dad could snap a fucking curveball at fifty years old. just a snapdragon 12-6 curveball like it was nothing. our dads are cool at stuff sometimes.

it’s the guy you played catch with. he was my model for being a man. it crushed me.