Oh “Earth Day,” like the planet Earth? We have something similar on Mars. We call it Mars Day.

Yearning but also yawning

My five year-old self set me up for failure I have nothing else to say to him

She got a brand deal

A temporary social media outage is always a fun glimpse into everyone’s Customer Service vibes

Why’s a robot need a backpack

Spell your name however you want but Alix is giving Android Who Knows More About Xenomorphs Than They’re Letting On

Excited to bring my Positive Attitude Duncan Yo-Yo Exhibition all-grades assembly to the Main Stage of Coachella week 2

I’ve been at Coachella all day and still can’t get anyone to tell me where they want this casserole

What if you’ve always been dreaming all of it

What if you’ve always been dreaming it

Crazy how much of this can be traced back to Newsradio

Just heard someone on TikTok say “Peanut butter and jelly, if you know you know” literally what do you mean “if”

Imagine seeing your best friend on this with someone else you’d never catch me in that store again

Amelia Earhart

And he recently met real doctors so he knows!

I don’t have anything to say about the big boobs guy except it’s interesting he thinks there’s a big boobs face you have to make if you have big boobs

Gasp don’t you have a daughter named Barb?!

Please say the burner was off even if that’s not true

Are you going to start taking carrots to the gym

This Just Inn works better if they don’t have breakfast

“Why can’t you see me” only works if she’s really making a scene on the dance floor

No kings unless it is your birthday and you are at Burger King but even then you just get one day

Start your free trial to Howdy

Smash burger with leftover Oscars Party pickled onions

They meant language

My new YouTube series, FIRST MEAL, in which I interview celebrities while feeding them various purées, “Here comes the airplane” style

I can’t believe a pop star was rude that’s you that’s how you sound right now