first time i've wanted to vent on priv in a year and i can't get into my account this is fucking awesome

a stuffed bee is floating in a pool of water . ALT: a stuffed bee is floating in a pool of water .

waiting for a day i don't get so down and discouraged

(didn't stop me from writing about Shane Hollander getting ran through, eyyyyy something something the human spirit is unbreakable, we all cope in our own ways)

Hey, sorry I've been absent. Obvious reasons. Also just feeling less passion for things and feeling less close to people these days.

he’s not here to give me advice when I need it. he’s not here to make me coffee. if I ever get married (big fucking IF at this point, my dating life is nonexistent) he won’t be walking me down the aisle. jesus christ this fucking sucks I don’t know what I’m gonna do

and it just hit me like a fucking sledgehammer. no more birthdays or holidays with him there. no more golf rounds or movie marathons. no more inside jokes.

I can’t sleep right now.

TW parent death //

my dad passed away a little over a week ago. I thought I was doing okay. coping. he’d been in bad shape the last few months so I was bracing myself. but it just hit me hard, after watching old home movies and reminiscing with family. he’s fucking gone.

ah. I’m a lot less okay than I thought.

I don't want to live in a world without him. without him helping me pick out a Christmas tree or talking me through a plumbing problem over the phone or giving me advice or playing golf or beating each other in Scrabble or walking me down the aisle one day.

I can't. I'm so fucking scared.

there aren't enough words to encompass him.

I'm saying all of this in present tense because he's not gone yet. and maybe there's a small chance he gets to do any of these things again. but it's looking more grim every day. and I can't do shit about it.

he does everything DIY. I can't count how many shelves, fences, etc I've built with him.

he cooks up a storm. I'd always be cleaning up after him, but the result is always good.

he's kind. sensitive. insisted on taking me downtown for an MRI even with a bad headache we later found out was tumors.

tw cancer shit//

my dad has been a lifelong artist. painting, graphic design, it's in his blood.

he's so so funny. the way he can tell a story or a joke is unlike anyone else.

he loves movies. watches TCM constantly. he raised me on TV Land & Jimmy Stewart films & Star Trek TOS. loves rock music.

going to my parents' on thursday for my birthday and I keep thinking it's most likely my last birthday with my dad and it's not even gonna be that enjoyable because he's so weak and tired and irritable.

I can hardly remember what he used to be like.

kinda glad work is slow because today is not a good brain day

but also i need to fucking make money,

#thepitt #hucklerobby

you know it's bad when you start crying while just LOOKING for a therapist. woof.

David Lynch in the filming set speaking in the megaphone. He says “Okay, let's try that again, but this time good.”

Here’s to 2026

might jump off a bridge yall want anything

pluribus truly the thing keeping me going rn

WHO ELSE IS ON THE YURIBUS GET ON THE YURIBUS WITH ME IM SO SERIOUSSSSS

I want to create. So badly. I'm not in the right headspace and I have no idea when I'll be back there and it's killing me.

It's trans awareness week, and I am not asking for anything for myself- instead I ask for help for my sister. We're getting closer to her due date, and this needs some traction. Shares are endlessly appreciated, even if you can't give 💖

drinking the last half cup of red wine straight from the bottle so i can pretend i'm a middle-aged woman in the city who just needs a fucking break from it all—

wait, maybe it's not pretend

add to the list:
• upper back hurts when i turn my head which could just be muscle strain OR could be a pinched nerve

maybe i just shouldn't go anywhere or do anything ever

thank you 🥺💕

gonna go make cookies today and hope i don't set the kitchen on fire bc that's my fucking luck these days

in the past few months:
• lost my job of 7 years
• my knee gave out so i need surgery which will take 6+ weeks of recovery
• my dad got 2 lime-size brain tumors removed

and to top it all off, my IUD fell out today. can shit stop happening to me please. did i piss someone off. am i fucking cursed

Donate to Help Kira Cover Expenses During Recovery, organized by Kira Benner My name is Kira. I'm a 28 year old single mom of two, soon to be three. I'm sched… Kira Benner needs your support for Help Kira Cover Expenses During Recovery

Hi friends. My sister is having her third baby in December, and is going to have no income during her leave. We’re looking for help so she can support herself and her two other young kids while she recovers from a c-section. It would mean the world if you could donate/share 💖 gofund.me/bd264fc46