wish i could just die already

regret and guilt and sorrow and

yeah. its fine. wont kill me. life is just funny like that

heart huuuuuuuuurtttttssszzzsszszzzsss

begging my brain to be normal. chill out bro. youre literally fine. things are fine

nvm brain on the fritz

your friends are not mad at you they are just busy. your friends are not mad at you they are just busy. your friends are not mad at you they are just busy. your friends are not mad at you they are just busy. your friends are not mad at you they are just busy. your friends are not mad at you they ar

moved from main to here

my d&d oc, ahta, comfortable & blowing off steam! these pieces were fun to make

#oc #dnd #nsfw

normal.

how i feel when i matched with someone on bumble and the conversation was nice but then they unmatch

screaming into the void again.

waiting for the final implosion.

wet tearing— grasping, grabbing, claiming— eaten, devoured, yet still living. how can i feel so empty while ghosts of my bones play in the gristle and fat? how much can be taken before the rot sets in? desperate to know.

endlessly adrift. destined only ever to be unheard and barely seen

wanting connection and intimacy and being deathly afraid of it is like watching a car crash & knowing i cant do anything to stop it while also being the driver of the car. bruh

goodbye photo memories. hello peace

its ok tho. started seroquel last night 🕺

being so stressed you cant even be HORNY

doesn’t mean it’s completely off the stove! just moved to the backburner for now. taking care of mental health first— otherwise it doesn’t matter what i wanna start (cause my dumbass brain likes to rip the rug from underneath me)

i want to continue tracking calories etc and dropping weight but right now i am so stressed out it makes it hard to work or bathe. much less actively track every meal. and i get a bit discouraged knowing it really isn’t that accurate without cooking all the time/properly weighing portion sizes

disappointed in myself for a lot of things but holding grace for me and being proud of the things i AM accomplishing

bro. fuck being a bottom in this climate. in these times

I WISH IT WAS EASIER TO CYCLE THROUGH ACCOUNTS get on it bsky. i only have 2 but still

a blurry picture of a person sitting on a couch in a living room . ALT: a blurry picture of a person sitting on a couch in a living room .

also i wanna draw nsfw again but that sexual shame be eating me brah. brain be like “you draw porn? what are you, a disgusting piece of trash?” and then this gif (but this is only applicable to me of course. my friends who draw nsfw are perfectly normal and can do no wrong!!!!!!!! /sarcasm)

sadness and hopelessness quickly spiral into rage and that’s not great for anything except pushing for change. very wonderful kind caring support system in place helping me figure shit out and being so patient while i dig through my noggin. exhales

looking back its super fucking obvious that these issues are big and not solved with personal adjustments but with the wombo-combo of childhood trauma (where emotional needs were flat out IGNORED or PUSHED ASIDE) and lack of awareness on my part, yeah.

realizing that i actually very prominently go through psychosis is fucking awful. psych wants me to see a trauma therapist. gettin back on meds soon too. fuck this shit