😂

Qr code

I rarely ever humblebrag

i wrote the book on
lying about writing books

'Marijuana' is the only English word in which the 'j' is silent.

Text reads: My therapist leading me through guided imagery: Now imagine yourself floating serenely down the river. Me: (an image of a burning garbage dumpster floating down flood waters

don’t invite me to your party unless you have a mystery for me to solve

stairway to fuck it i'll just wait for you down here

A 68 year old lady's mugshot. She explains she was arrested for trying to sneak drugs into Canada and still tries to sell her marry Kay makeup

If you see this, post something you saved bc you thought it was funny

THEM: Are you tech savvy?

ME: I charged this smartphone, didn't I?

looking at yourself in a mirror until you dissociate is a hell of a drug

I have been nothing but [unintelligible murmuring] to you please respond

You have to start doing it again. Truckers everywhere are depending on you!

😂

I'm sorry I can't tell you more about myself. I've had my appendix removed

My soulmate is out there finishing fries that could’ve been shared with me

There are some ways around not wanting to know something, but like anything with a catch there's a knowing something you didn't even know you didn't want to know so...I tricked you into eating flashcards

Alex the cat fast asleep on me

he always does this. now i'm going to have to explain what happened in the movie while he was asleep

Welcome to your 40s. That new duvet cover is going to be all you talk about for the next 3 days

I think it’s rude that whenever the Predator shows up and super kills a hundred people using space weapons someone always has to be the guy to call him an ugly motherfucker because there’s plenty to criticize without getting into that

A SKLETEN WHOSE HIGHER THEN A FUCKEN MOUNTAIN HOLDIN A BIG JOINT "ITS 420 TIME TO GO TO THE SPENSARY THAT LOOKS LIKE A THERAPISTS OFFICE AND GIVE A GUY WITH AMUSTACHE 62 BUCK'S " - SAY WHAT U WILL ABOUT TURNING A BUNCH OF PLANT'S INTO A NEW KIND OF STORE WHERE THEY PUT A BUCH OF HEXAGONS ON THE WALL EVERYWHERE FOR NO REASON BUT AT LEAST YOU DONT HAVE TO GO TO "A GUYS HOUSE" AND WATCH JEPARDY WITH HIM , I HATE COPORATIONS BUT I CANT BE WATCHING THIS MUCH JEPARDY - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN

HELL YEA - dashare.zone ADMIN

Me: I love it when you call me Big Poppa

*3 minutes later*

Starbucks Barista: iced venti vanilla Latte for a Brad Pepper!

2026-04-20 08:55:00 #8e98a6 cool grey

2026-04-20 08:55:00 #8e98a6 cool grey | [#8e98a6 - 63%] [#697686 - 12%] [#d6dadf - 8%] [#747e91 - 4%] [#fbfaf7 - 4%] [#fefcfe - 3%] [#e2e5e4 - 2%] [#a1aaa7 - 2%] [#b8bfc9 - 1%]

The color of the sky in Seattle is cool grey #8e98a6

need to roll around in some love and kindness

on starfleek

All I’m saying is if I was going to write a book about a boy who never grew up, I wouldn’t have called him Peter Pan. I would’ve named him Constanteen.

Bsky asking what's up like i fucking know

math nerds celebrate on 1/5

is starbucks coffee named after battlestar galactica or moby dick