I just put a very small screw in something that was broken and fixed it.

I’m taking the rest of the month off

So now you’re gonna tell me that a guy that is so stupid that he would post a picture of himself as Jesus didn’t have the hubris SA little girls on Epstein Island?

THEO VON IS AN IDIOT!!! STOP FALLING FOR THE BULLSHIT!
HE CHOSE TRUMP OVER THE 28 WOMEN WHO ACCUSED TRUMP OF RAPE!!!

Well, if there was ever someone you wanted to sleep with, and you were afraid to ask now is the time.
Just in case you haven’t been watching the news

If Theo Von thinks Rich kids should go to war he should start with his own because he voted this guy in! He promoted this guy

Why is my TikTok account filled with fake Christian accounts and trying to sell me two imaginary pieces of rope to work out with?

Remember every new day starts with the potential to screw things up even worse

❤️❤️❤️this joke should have done better

I bet a lot of conversations Kristi Noem had with her husband about what she should wear makes sense now.

Does anyone know where I can get a Lindsay Graham bubble wand for my neighbor?

She’s four

Life is too stressful

I just knocked over an empty cup and decided I’m not doing anything else today. It’s too hard.

What if Jesus doesn’t come back because AI made him too handsome and he’s afraid we’re gonna be disappointed because he doesn’t look like his picture

The Iran government is literally showing more respect to the Epstein victims then our government

Philly did not disappoint today! Every flight attendant was rude and yelled at me

I have one message for whoever is making those Lego videos in Iran.
Can I hire you?

So you were OK with the SA of children and women but oil pricing is where you draw the line?

TEA BAGS ARE TOO MUCH TO NEGOTIATE ON A PLANE

It used to mean something to be a conspiracy theorist! It meant you were crazy now everyone is a conspiracy theorist, and I don’t know how to be crazy anymore

A friend asked me if I was afraid to fly and I said not at all. I’m more afraid of being arrested, cause I lost my shit waiting in line.

Looks like Jesus got a new Publisist who is way too aggressive

Whatever you do, make sure those Iranian sleeper cells don’t know where the ice agents are. It would be terrible if they got to the Ice agents. Just terrible.

Always remember the road to hell is paved with make podcasters

Yesterday I had a conversation with a former gang member who was now a right wing Christian extremist.

I promise you he was less of a danger to society as a gang member

I’m gonna need everyone to go get their gratitude list and shove it up the ass of anyone who listens to Rogan, Dylan, Von or Schultz

Whoever is “creating this reality” we need you to stop.

Maybe get a snack

Remember, if you think you don’t look young enough or pretty enough, you are empowering to Jeffrey Epstein.
Yeah, I said it

If we believed women, we would not be in this situation

Cat sitting is just continually moving cats off of your things

The s have Secretary of Defense is so defensive

Can we please decide on one universal airplane temperature so I don’t need 7 layers to be prepared for 4 different climates on a one hour flight to vegas