tweet with a picture of an amazon order for 48 x 32 kg kettlebells with the caption “caught the ups driver sleeping with my wife”

he knows what he did

ok well i didn’t think running would be involved

sorry can’t respond too busy opening all this mail someone addressed to the world’s greatest lover

my wife and i decided to do the hall pass thing she picked the mailman so i have also picked the mailman game on

when u return something at an antique store u should get more than u paid cause it’s older now

well fuck i am now

i put all of my points in mason jars and bury them in my backyard there is admittedly no ultimate goal here

saw the job cloud architect and took me longer than reasonable to realize it was computer

Palantir are about six months away from ordering their employees to leave audio logs scattered around their offices

make infolove not infowar

7 10 your parents split

the predictive text filling in the words bowling alley after the word haunted from the above tweet

have u ever truly felt seen

went to a haunted bowling alley and the tv showed one of my greatest fears everytime i missed a spare

Sorry to be overly sincere for a second, but here's why we decided to persevere through all of the bullshit and take over InfoWars.

There's just gotta be a line somewhere.

Thank you @pablo.show for letting me talk so openly about this.

imagine if u will the magician scarf trick but with jean jackets

11th date idea: we dig a hole but YOU get to pick what it’s for ♥️

slight detour to the thread can u get an ice cream truck for an uber i’d be much happier paying to go somewhere if i had a bomb pop about it

10th date idea: i bring over a set of spike strips and we wait on ur porch for an ice cream truck to go by

9th date idea: u help me put all the worms back in the ground after it rains

posting in a nutshell

trying to deposit an egg salad sandwich into my bank account so i can write a really funny check later

take that ya old bitch

Playing a hilarious prank on my future self by throwing a plate of beans straight up in the air

one time i got so high that i forgot what this post was about

A drawing of ET waving at us on the cardboard packaging for a 1980s product called "E.T. Punch Balls" As this is a repost of a Feb 2023 tweet of mine, found here https://x.com/DemonTomatoDave/status/1623464715077795840?s=19 , I have taken this photo from the No Context E.T. account who posted it there, and who originally I retweeted.

Never became as popular as "ET Phone Home" did it

braver than me

i don’t recall nor endorse this

no doubt. i agree the celtics would be difficult for them to get by impressed what they’ve done this year with jb carrying the team and then tatum able to return and work right back in

"He’s very creative. He has, like, an artist’s brain, almost," Hardy said, per Kris Pursianinen. "You have to let him go. You can’t micromanage every possession because you both end up frustrated…I told JC last year that when he felt the moment, got it going, we’d all step back - myself included - and let him do his guitar solo…asked that 75% of the game, he played a song everybody knew."

i saw will hardy say this about him and it’s stuck in my mind since

lord i have seen what u have done for others and i would like a smidge