PANG BANG!

RBI single for Pang Winn makes it 1-0.

a man wearing a watch is sitting at a table with other men ALT: a man wearing a watch is sitting at a table with other men

It's a leadoff walk for Kries von Kriestalhauser.

Offseason? What offseason?

Jihmih Tyranus takes the mound for the Athletics' scrimmage against the San Francisco Giants!

The Fake Athletics are excited to announce that everyone's favorite croc, Total Dial, has been named the team's next captain.

Cindy Quill did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

Congrats, Total!

The Fake Athletics mourn the loss of a (real) franchise icon, a titan of the game, and the best base stealer of all time.

About him, statistician Bill James once said: "If you could split him in two, you'd have two Hall of Famers."

Rest in peace to the legend, Rickey Henderson.

We don't have any words, and we know you don't want to hear them. We understand your anger, your frustration, your sadness. Everything you're feeling - we get it. This isn't the ending we imagined, and certainly not the one we wanted. Thank you for being there the entire way.

Happy Gilmore 2 is fil

Kries von Kriestalhauser has reached base in every one of his postseason at-bats. The streak stays alive with a leadoff walk to start the third!

If you want to learn about fake baseball, check out this thread!

Well then.

OAK 2, TBR 4

The Rays get one back on a single by Dermot Mulveiny. Schihne still looking to sneak out of this one; runners on second and third, no outs.

OAK 2, TBR 1

A bit of a jam for Schihne as he has runners at the corners with no outs. Can he escape?

It's a leadoff walk for Peter Hoomanawanui, but he is caught trying to swipe second. Hightower and Turlington go down in a flash, and the side is retired.

A clean inning from Mark Schihne!

... just as we all expected.

A's come to the plate at the top of the second with a 2-0 lead!

In the fashion of the real-life Seattle Mariners, the boys fail to score the runner from third.

The damage is done, though, and the As are out to an early 2-0 lead headed to the bottom of the first!

Do those kids know that "fiven" isn't a number? Someone really should escalate this concern to the Board of Education.

.... does Fake Florida HAVE a Board of Education?

I just saw GM Six poke his head out of the dugout with a word of advice for Jihmih Tyranus in the on-deck circle.

A group of Tampa-area schoolchildren tried to heckle him, but some yelled "FIVE!" while others yelled "SEVEN!"

I don't wanna hear SHIT about our offense. Sorry for cussing.

Pang Winn bangs in Bigstick with a monster triple. We love triples.

OAK 2, TBR 0

A big stick indeed!

Co-GM Teddy Bigstick drives Kries home and the As take an early lead. Bully for him!

OAK 1, TBR 0

We're underway down by the Bay!

Kries Von Kriestalhauser with a leadoff double to start this AL Division playoff series. He really is the best leadoff hitter I've ever seen.

Upon reaching second base, von Kriestalhauser shouted: "HAPPY GILMORE 2 IS FILMING NEAR ME, SO I APPLIED TO BE AN EXTRA!"