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Posts by Darlene Lancer, LMFT

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The Dance of Intimacy
The unspoken agreement is that the Pursuer chases the Distancer forever, but never catches up, and that the Distancer keeps running, but never really gets away
Read: tinyurl.com/27p2dx73

#Autonomy #Codependency #Intimacy #MarriageCounseling #Partners #Relationships #SelfEsteem

5 days ago 0 0 0 0
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Psychology explains the most important thing a parent can give a child isn't stability or education or opportunity — it's the experience of being genuinely delighted in, the specific and irreplaceable feeling of being someone's favorite thing in the room, and children who had that carry it as a foundation and children who didn't spend their whole lives building one - Silicon Canals When researchers discovered that children who experienced genuine parental delight—not just love, but the unmistakable joy of being someone's favorite person in the room—carry this feeling as an…

Most codependents missed consistent warmth and affection from both of their parents. Read why it's so important. buff.ly/KX2sSYs It can cause feelings of shame and inadequacy. Conquering Shame and Codependency amzn.to/3SRqDIx #parenting #shame #parent #codependency #ODAAT #selflove #selfesteem

1 week ago 1 0 0 0
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Identifying Abusive and Coercive Control and What to You Can Do!
In relationships, control varies from mild to abusive to coercive control. When it’s mild, it can be helpful or annoying. When it’s abusive or coercive, it can be damaging

Read: tinyurl.com/yju6fx87

#Codependency #Narcissistic #Abuse

1 week ago 1 0 0 0
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#grief #loss #codependency #trauma #PTSD #CPTSD #relationships #mentalhealth #breakups #divorce #detachment #lettinggo #Coda #alanon #aca #codependencyrecovery #emotionallyunavailable #avoidant #breakup #divorced #ghosting #love #rejection #loneliness #lettinggo #detachment #detach #letting_go

2 weeks ago 0 0 0 0
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Identifying Abusive and Coercive Control and What to You Can Do Control varies from mild to abusive to coercive control.

Control is a symptom of #codependency. Read how to identify the signs that make it different from abusive and coercive #control and how to respond to the latter. whatiscodependency.com/identifying-... Learn to be assertive and set #boundaries bit.ly/29OAWWW #narcissism #communication #relationships

2 weeks ago 0 0 0 0
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I’m not Perfect – I’m only Human” – How to Beat Perfectionism
Perfectionism can be a blessing or a curse. When it helps us, it lifts our mood, and we can achieve significant accomplishments.

See: tinyurl.com/bdhzprbu

#Perfect #Sabotaging #Relationships #Love #Perfectionism #Dehumanizing #CoWorkers

3 weeks ago 1 0 0 0
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#relationships #shame #codependency #boundaries #ODAAT #recovery #mentalhealth #selfcare #narcissim #narcissiticabuse

3 weeks ago 0 0 0 0
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Many of us learned to deny our feelings when it wasn't safe to share them as a child. We found ways not to feel with distraction, caring for others, or #addiction to habits or drugs. #Recovery includes learning to stay with our #feelings. #codependency #grief #anger #sober #healing #mentalhealth

3 weeks ago 1 0 0 0
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Interdependent Relationship!

To feel free in an interdependent relationship is the goal of recovery. It requires autonomy, self-esteem, and boundaries.
See In Detail: tinyurl.com/z5jv976u

#Autonomy #Boundaries #Interdependent #Recovery #SelfEsteem #Codependency #Relationship #Intimacy #SelfEsteem

4 weeks ago 0 1 0 0
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Look for my April blog on recognizing control, from mild to abusive to coercive, and what you can do. Sign up at www.whatiscodependency.com

4 weeks ago 0 0 0 0
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Look for my April blog on recognizing control, from mild to abusive to coercive, and what you can do. Sign up at www.whatiscodependency.com #narcissisticabuse #trauma #PTSD #CPTSD #codependency #narcissist #relationships #shame #recovery #survivor #domesticviolence #IPV

1 month ago 1 0 0 0
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Spiritual Transformation in the Twelve Steps!
The Twelve Steps of Twelve-Step programs can be used to attain spiritual transformation and unshackle the true self from the constraints of the ego.
Check: tinyurl.com/7aefrjrd

#12Steps #AlAnon #Books #CarlJung #Coda#SpiritualTransformation #TwelveSteps

1 month ago 1 0 0 0
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How Codependency Distorts Love and Sexuality!
Love and sexuality can become distorted growing up in a codependent household. Very often, relational trauma quietly shapes children’s self-image and their adult relationships, including sex
Check: tinyurl.com/594xjtxw

#BodyShame #Emotional #Trauma #Sex

1 month ago 0 0 0 0
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How Codependency Distorts Love and Sexuality Love and sexuality can become distorted growing up in a codependent household.

Love and sexuality can become distorted in a codependent family. Relational #trauma quietly shapes children's self-image and their adult #relationships. Read how it impacts desire, love, and sex whatiscodependency.com/how-codepend... #love #sex #attachment #codependency #CPTSD #PTSD #recovery #shame

1 month ago 0 0 0 0
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Science Explains Mind Control!
A new study sheds light on how people influence and control our mind. Research on mice, whose brains are remarkably similar to humans, reveals that our brains are affected by those around us.
Read: tinyurl.com/3774ymfm

#Autonomy #BrainStudy #Relationships #Narcissists

1 month ago 1 0 0 0
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Can being codependent in a relationship actually be a good thing? Being codependent is often seen as a bad thing. But a new book makes the case for ‘healthy dependency’

This article makes some good points. Until we're in a relationship, we're blind to gaps in our #recovery. #Relationships trigger our #codependent patterns, but they teach us where we need to grow #ODAAT
www.theguardian.com/wellness/202... Learn more in “Codependency for Dummies” amzn.to/1BBcrWO

1 month ago 0 0 0 0
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Signs of Lack of Empathy and What You Can Do!
A lack of empathy is not sufficient for a diagnosis of narcissism but it underlies several narcissistic traits, such as arrogance, entitlement, and being exploitative.

Read: tinyurl.com/5e5nk379

#Alexithymia #Autism #Empathy #Intimacy #Selfishness

1 month ago 0 0 0 0
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Co-Parenting After Divorce!

The following are recommendations for co-parenting after divorce:

1. Tell your children the truth, with simple explanations. Tell them where the other parent is.

Read: tinyurl.com/yzw8srpt

#CoParenting #FatherSon #ParentingAfterDivorce #ParentingPostDivorce #Divorce

2 months ago 1 0 0 0
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Breaking Triangles That Hurt Us and Harm Our Children | What Is Codependency? Breaking triangles is hard. They cause trauma that impacts attachment style and relationships and can keep us in an abusive relationship. Read how to undo it.

Breaking Triangles That Hurt Us and Harm Our Children!
An unstable relationship is like a two-legged table. It can’t stand on its own, but a three-legged table is more stable.

Check: tinyurl.com/3receesj

#Children #CPTSD #ElectraComplex #Family #Intimacy #LoveTriangles #Marriage #Parenting #Trauma

2 months ago 0 0 0 0
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Breaking Triangles That Hurt Us and Harm Our Children Often parents unknowingly use their children to balance marital problems, re-enacting the trauma that happened to them. Read how to stop and heal.

Triangulation is hard to stop. You may not see it if you were triangulated growing up. It causes #trauma, impacting attachment style and #relationships. It can keep us in abusive relationships even when we want to leave! Read how to undo it. buff.ly/AzciTR8#reco... #CPTSD #PTSD #marriage #parenting

2 months ago 1 0 0 0
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Relationship as a Path to Spiritual Transformation by Darlene Lancer, MFT Our relationships present a constant opportunity to tap into our spiritual power and become a path for our spiritual transformation...

Relationship as a Spiritual Path..
What makes us “spiritual” beings? The concept of spirituality is derived from “spiritus,” meaning vitality or breath of life.

Check: tinyurl.com/528862e9

#Compassion #SpiritualLove #SpiritualTransformation #Spirituality #Surrender #Relationship #Life #Faith #Love

2 months ago 0 0 0 0
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Combat Narcissists’ and Abusers’ Primary Weapon: Projection Narcissists primary defense is projection-identification. Understanding narcissist projection helps you protect your self and confront abuse.

Understand #narcissism and projection and how not to absorb it!. whatiscodependency.com/empaths-abus... Dating, Loving, and Leaving a #Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving #Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships whatiscodependency.com/dating-lovin... #NPD #abuse #narcissisticabuse

2 months ago 1 0 0 0
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#addiction #ODAAT #Sobriety #BillW #acceptance #spiritual #spirituality #recovery #codependency

2 months ago 0 0 0 0
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Steps of Codependency Recovery | What Is Codependency? Codependency recovery involves a complete makeover that impacts what you believe and how you think, feel, and act. Read the symptoms, signs and stages.

Steps of Codependency Recovery
The overall goal of codependency recovery is to become a full-functioning individual. That entails knowing, valuing , trusting yourself and expressing yourself in your life and relationships

See: tinyurl.com/2cf2y7pd

#Alanon #Coda #Codependency #Addiciton #Recovery

3 months ago 2 0 0 0
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Codependency results from more than a lack of love. In fact, many codependents were loved. It stems from trauma, shame, and missing internal structure. #codependency #recovery #family #psychology #relationships #ODAAT #selfhealing #mentalhealth #trauma #PTSD #CPTSD #shame

3 months ago 1 0 0 0
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When a Parent Can’t Be Trusted!

When we stop trusting and relying on a parent emotionally at a young age, our self-trust is damaged. Parents and their children are wired to love each other.

Check: tinyurl.com/29k9yrfw

#Attunement #CauseOfToxicShame #Idealization #Narcissistic #Parenting #Trauma

3 months ago 2 0 0 0
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The Stages of Divorce by Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT There are several stages of divorce. It's the emotional divorce that is the cornerstone for transformation, which some couples never achieve ...

The Stages of Divorce!
Divorce is far more than a court order. There are stages to divorce that much be traversed.

Read: shorturl.at/sO1XS

#Divorce #DivorceLettingGo #EmotionalDivorce #EmotionsOfDivorce #GettingOverDivorce #LegalSeparation #MaritalSeparation #Marriage #StagesOfDivorce

3 months ago 2 0 0 0
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What makes us “spiritual” beings? The concept of spirituality is derived from “spiritus,” meaning vitality or breath of life. When we are connected to that force, like an electric charge, our soul awakes;

Check: shorturl.at/C5c4Y

#Compassion #SpiritualLove #Transformation #Spirituality #Surrender

3 months ago 1 0 0 0
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The Dance of Intimacy
The less room there is to navigate this distance, the more difficult the relationship. There is less anxiety, and hence less demand on the relationship to accommodate a narrow comfort zone.
Check: tinyurl.com/2rkkf9a3
#Anxious #Style #Autonomy #Avoidant #Break-Ups #Codependency

4 months ago 1 0 0 0
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Relationship as a Spiritual Path
What makes us “spiritual” beings? The concept of spirituality is derived from “spiritus,” meaning vitality or breath of life.
Check: tinyurl.com/528862e9

#Compassion #SpiritualLove #SpiritualTransformation #Spirituality #Surrender #Relationship #life #Love #Relation

4 months ago 2 0 0 0