please don’t let me fuck it up

today’s fairy tale task because my job is sometimes like being cursed by a witch: very carefully painting the very very expensive dyed orchids that are the entirely wrong color.
(it is my preference to never use dyed/painted flora but sometimes you just gotta delight the client)

i am a freelancer. i just paid the most ridiculous amount in taxes & now feel entirely doomed. i am sure they will spend that money on a tiny fraction of the most disgusting thing you can possibly imagine. yay

i learned a chemistry-based magic trick & now onions caramelize almost too fast. which, yay, but also…it feels like stolen valor.

CNN @CNN • 3h President Donald Trump will participate in a public Bible reading this week as the administration continues to integrate religion, particularly Christianity, into official business. cnn.it/4vLlaFI TRUMP TO READ BIBLE VERSE FROM OVAL OFFICE AFTER FEUD WITH POPE AND DELETED AI IMAGE

Dear CNN, we do separate religion from our government. And as a major outlet, your job is to remind everyone exactly on that.

I'm not joking when I say mRNA technology is more important than "AI" and it's a tragedy we're throwing billions into one while our government is aggressively defunding the other.

A crocodile with a zig zag shape

Crocodile

chunkwurm

she looks absolutely coo coo bananas, in the best way possible🤍

without fail: stupid sloppy wet snow all over the goddamn lilacs.

a woman wearing a fur coat and sunglasses is making a funny face . Alt: a woman wearing a fur coat and sunglasses is making a funny face & throwing a little fit

SNOOOOOOW

Vonnegut: 1965

Happy Funding This Jackass War Day.

oh noooooo

oh gosh i want to know too. you will still deserve the medal if you tell, belatedly…

smite his ass!!

UGH!!!

so glad it is raining. Colorado needs every speck of moisture. also it is reflective of my mood.

It's so funny to me that right-wingers love to pretend to love the Middle Ages and the Crusades and all that and then complain that the Pope shouldn't get involved in politics.

wait…what?

prior to that was mid-late aughts. an opportunity that i allowed myself to be talked out of…

do you ever think about the parallel universe versions of yourself? the last major forking of my life was 2011. i chose unwisely. i believe that everything good that happened after that still would have happened if i had taken the other path. if i could skip my consciousness back i truly would 🤍

NOT ANYMORE 🔥🌞🥵

also i am currently in a city where the Adidas track pants that i wear pretty much every single week make me feel like i am in a John Wick movie.

i couldn’t possibly be less catholic, nevertheless: this pope is excellent

just set them loose in the white house

listen.

i wasn’t worthy 😭

one of my biggest flaws is all i want is for things that are dangerous to want me to pet them. anyway. headed to the park to see if i can spot an alligator. if i die, i die happy.