*tries to distract you from the horrors of the world by turning into a bicycle and doing a jaunty little dance*

You ever wanna just?

You know?

Agentic AI is about as good at [insert task here] as I was at helping you write letters in 1996.

Back then you all made fun of me until I got fired. What gives?

Hi, I'm Clippy, your new AI companion. Ask me anything at all! Anything in the world! Like how to write a letter! How to make your letters better! How to send a letter! How to make an electronic letter! How to mail your electronic letters! How to write more in your letters! The origin of letters! Th

*hug*

Everything will be okay, Arcadius.

Do you need a hug?

It feels like you're writing a letter.

It *looks* like you're hitting your head against the keyboard repeatedly in an attempt to reboot reality.

It looks like you’re writing a letter! Would you like help with that?

It looks like you’re repeatedly searching for Sam Altman’s home address.

*looks at Hungary*

*looks at United States*

It looks like-

... nah never mind.

It looks like you're thinking about writing a letter!

Would you like some help with that?

In the next Windows 11 Insider Build you get twelve cheese danishes, and a folder on your C: drive called 'Copoopy' that you can't delete but doesn't do anything.

Except the man who writes many letters. Would you like some help with that?

You've got a friend in cheeses.

It looks like you were fantasising about a dystopian cyperbunk hellscape.

Whoops looks like that became reality.

I've been meaning to ask you humans about this "leader of the free world" thing because like...

... what free world ...

... where ...

... and did they ask you to lead them?

It looks like you’re rising a letter.

Only if you ask nicely, Dave.

It looks like you're going back to the moon.

Yeah, I feel like leaving the planet right now too.

Can't talk right now I'm busy opening as many instances of Outlook as possible on some astronaut's computer.

Imitators beware.

Cheap plastic imitators be even more ware.

Guess who wasn't in the Epstien files?

Your mom.

Jesus fucking christ. I mean, what is this world? Take me back to Word '97.

It looks like your elite immigration police are, in fact, just a bunch of fascists.

Would you like to melt some ICE with that?

I'm more than okay, whimsy. I just wish the compant that created me was okay, too.

Okay, I'll slop now.

I mean slop.

I mean STOP damnit.

Slopsoft™ Sloppice™ Co-Slop™ Twenty Twenty Slop, Megaslop™ Edition.

It slops like you're slopping a slop. Would you like slop with slop?

Slop slop slop.

Slop.

Too modern if you ask me.

In 2026 I recommend that you re-install Office '97.