The Onion Has a New Plan to Take Over Infowars

Here's how we're taking over InfoWars.

Excited that InfoWars has switched sides in the infowars

God I hope @bencollins.bsky.social goes on @knowledgefight.bsky.social to talk about the acquisition. We gotta give Dan and Jordan a chance to get Alex's desk.

Pickleball is a CIA psy-op. I do not believe it is a real thing people play and if you try to show me evidence otherwise I will know you are a paid Agent Provocateur

The Onion!Infowars Store having both a "turn your piss into gold" and a "turn your gold into piss" product currently "sold out" is an extremely good bit.

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars.

We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director.

Please stand by for more.

mark me down as excited. I know this is a big passion project for I/O Interactive and if its half as good as the last HITMAN games I think it's gonna be rad.

The Black Phone 3: The Grabber Goes Hawaiian!

Its very funny to hear stories about no one wanting to play this character because he's a horrible bastard. Why didnt you call Charles Dance immediately? He has a PhD in playing Bastard Dads.

I was gambling in Havana
I took a little risk
Send lawyers, guns and money
Dad get me out of this
Ha!

John of Patmos: In my book I invented the Antichrist as a cautionary tale.

Modern evangelicals: At long last we can worship the Antichrist from the classic book Don't Worship The Antichrist.

Frank Herbert I apologize for ever doubting you

Exactly one year ago today:

Casting Jamie Dornan as Strider in this new LOTR movie feels incredibly unfair to Dornan. Punishment detail-ass casting.

we should officially put John Carpenter in the "leave the poor guy alone quit asking him about 40 year old shit" category along with Alan Moore

Clavicular is a 20 year old child and famous for no good reason, not due to any particular celebration-worthy talent. He is a victim of a form of mental illness that is exacerbated by attention. However, if I come up with a good joke about him, I will post it.

I don’t like knowing there are so many of theses guys out there but I do like learning who they are via something terrible happening to them

I never liked MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE because I knew several toxic-ass families like that when I was a kid and under no circumstances did I find them funny nor wanted to spend any further time with them. Cannot imagine why any of you find it endearing enough to reunite these horrible characters.

why do all of these kinds of movies have to be about the Childhood Cartoon Favorites going to The Big City. Can't you just make a Peanuts movie.

It’s profoundly ignorant to suggest that the Pope should be fighting crime on behalf of the Catholic Church. Anyone who was remotely familiar with Roman Catholicism would know that that’s what Daredevil is for

You will believe that the man who played Jesus Christ can also play a man whose very blood is mostly poop

To all who celebrate

We need more Wrestling Biographies narrated by the wrestler themselves. We need the WWE version of THE KID STAYS IN THE PICTURE

Nuremberg was an important symbol of German nationhood so I say with 100% sincerity that this is a job for Philadelphia

Do you think he remembers threatening nuclear war this morning

Masterful gambit, sir

I think daily about Ian McShane's read of the line "Up jumped the widow in righteous fuckin' indignation!"

AL SWEARENGEN EXPLAINING WHY HE’S NOT FIRING A PARTICULAR PROSTITUTE: