Anyway I know I’m not in a great mental headspace atm because an office job I’d applied for at a "values-led" company dismissed me entirely because they clearly didn’t read my cover letter and rejected it automatically so I may or may not have overreacted a little and sent them a scathing response.
I'd love to say fuck all of these people and that I don't need them but as someone who isn't independently wealthy or from money I don't have the luxury to make what I want without needing other funding. And the decision may or may not include someone who is one of the worst humans I have ever met.
I hate to admit that it does bring small comfort to my Scorpio heart that I know he sleeps with one eye open afraid of the day I finally do snap and start sharing the evidence I have been sitting on for years. It doesn't make up for the abuse he put me through but the pettiness makes me feel better.
So many people vanished as soon as I wasn't doing the event and thus had nothing to offer them anymore. So many people kept telling me "oh if only you were in Melbourne, we'd love to hire you!" As soon as I moved, they all just vanished.
I'm most upset about this one asshole but really he's hardly the only one. So many people in the games industry up and evaporated the moment I refused to do another convention. GXA3 still would have gone ahead and it stopped because I, the only one doing the work, refused to do it with him again.
And even still ten years later I'm fucking terrified to actually name him directly lol
I'm so emotionally shattered and angry and broken and then fucking angry that people like this get to make me feel this way. This is not what I want to be spending my mental energy on. This is not who I want living inside my head. I RESENT this more than I can articulate.
This jerk lied to my face over and over, then lied to other people about me. He told people that things he didn't want to do were because of my decisions, often when I didn't even fucking know, while also arguing with me about platforming abusers or people who were known to sexually harass folks.
I dealt with a shitty psycho physically violent ex who I had to go through the family violence court over and believe me when I tell you with zero exaggeration that the person who lives rent free in my head for being the most abusive narcissist I knew is the guy I did that convention in Sydney with.
I can't get anywhere but people in the games industry here were laughing about my abusive ex boyfriend at industry events. I got asked to apply for a job and found out the studio head printed my cover letter and laughed about it around the office. Fuck this industry, fuck most of the people in it.
I'm really fucking tired, folks. I don't know what to do anymore besides just be fucking angry about this industry and the people in it and the people HELD UP in it. I'm so tired and exhausted feeling hurt when shitty people get rewarded. I just want to make things and give people chances. #gamedev
After nearly twenty years in Australia, I have finally hung at The Hanging Rock. We did not picnic tho.
(Ironically enough, I watched the famous movie set here as a ~fourteen year old at the arts conservatory I attended as a teenager in Louisiana, but this is my first time actually visiting.)
We went out of town for a couple of days over the long weekend.
Vlas is enjoying the in-room jacuzzi.
It’s Alcyone’s one year birthday and to celebrate I’ve just pushed a big content update adding a brand-new Encounter with ~20k words of narrative, two romance choices, and new music, art, & more! Also, 10% off on all platforms!
More details here:
www.kickstarter.com/projects/jos...
The only kind of April Fools joke I care for is one that actually results in something being made. Good on @yarnspinner.dev with this one.
yarnspinner.dev/blog/tarot-y...
YES I AM STILL THINKING ABOUT THE ONE DICKHEAD FROM A YEAR AGO WHO ACCUSED ME OF USING AI TO WRITE AND ILLUSTRATE MY VIDEO GAME I’M ALLOWED TO HOLD A GRUDGE, I’M A SCORPIO.
I’ve never had something I’ve created be accused of not being my creation before. I guess this probably happens a lot even pre-AI and maybe I was lucky until now but it really is an experience that makes me anxious releasing anything now because once people make a decision that’s… just it.
I’ll tell you what, putting work out there these days has given me a new anxiety I’ve never had to contend with before.
"Are people going to think this is AI cos I used an em dash? Cos I specifically chose to draw something a certain way?"
I hate the cliche of "witchhunt" but I know no other word.
Ketamine and the impulse control of a spoiled infant. You’re welcome, Wall Street Journal.
Queensland police have warned Brisbane artist James Hillier (aka Nordacious) and are looking into a city mural by Sydney-based Scott Marsh over their use of variations on one of two pro-Palestinian phrases banned under state law this month.
I was literally thinking the other day "it's been ages since I woke up with a sitting-at-my-desk-working neck sprain and lost the ability to turn my head for a day" and lo, guess what I am now dealing with.
Anyway, unrelated, it's been ages since I woke up with a million dollars in my bank account.
I may have some opinions.
I’m simultaneously part of an organisation I’ve never had anything to do with, running for office in a city I don’t live in, both woke (which is an embarrassing pejorative for queer people to use) AND ableist somehow, and ruining Mardi Gras but also a failure at doing that.
Gosh, I must be tired!
Dear diary, today I made the white gays of Sydney big mad on the internet.
Facebook's enshittified algorithmic comment threading makes it very unsatisfying to argue with wrong people on the internet these days.
"Why is no one helping us? 🥺" Because you insisted trans people should go do their own thing instead of making you care about them. Because you had no solidarity with people of colour in the face of police brutality. Because you think being gay excuses your misogyny. No one's helping cos they left.
When authoritarianism comes for all these anti-trans, anti-women, racist masc4masc mayo gays whose only challenge in life was maybe being bullied lightly for their queerness, and they're on social media crying "why is no one helping us? 🥺" I want you to know that you brought this on yourself.
I was saying literally yesterday Raye was an artist I'd only seen featured, she'd just exploded out of nowhere for me, but I readily acknowledged this was probably some blindspot.
I don't know how many times I've replayed WHERE IS MY HUSBAND, wishing I had that flow.
youtu.be/wILkNpI4VwQ?...
Of course, now I'm going to have to update all of the marketing copy everywhere that said the game was "nearly" a quarter-million words. Drat.
I’ll say more when I make a proper announcement about it, but I’m well-chuffed for people to play it when it does come out in a couple of weeks.