Good thing we have access to foreign news outlets where we can get factual reports.
American Media:
“The Strait is open…no way, the Strait is closed…Open! Closed! Open times infinity! Well it’s Opposite Day so that really means it’s closed…”
I discarded that last post of mine…it lacked happiness.
I’m having imaginary Red Velvet cupcakes for imaginary dessert.
Ketchup is flying in the WH!
Virginia voted YES!
Democrats will get to redraw their voting maps.
Fighting fire with fire.
Keep on pushing.
👍💙💪
Breaking news:
President eats 6th consecutive Big Mac While Screaming at Aides
A certain President:
“The deadline is almost here. You better do what I want!
Ok…it’s the deadline now…are you going to give me my way?
No? NO?!?
Well, I’ll extend the deadline again but I want my way.
Are you even listening?
Hello?
Anyone?”
I’ll celebrate ANY victory against Republicans.
That movie preview had a lot of explosions.
Not much in the way of plot or human interest…but there were explosions.
<——— Lobbying to make Whiffle Ball a Summer Olympic sport.
🚨🚨BREAKING: In a huge victory for Democrats that will greatly increase their odds of winning back the House in November, Virginia voters have APPROVED the redistricting referendum.
Watching the sportsball.
Lots of touchdowns and yardage.
The president needs to be changed again.
Send in the backup nurses.
“It’s raining threes!!!!”
I heard this on a commercial.
(I really have no clue what it means)
What’s up with this sportsball referee?
Are they intoxicated?
“You are no gentleman, sir! I dare say you are a cad!”
“Wash day tomorrow. Nothing clean, right?”
Oh.
That reminds me…
“Sweetie…get mommy’s bazooka!”
Ummmmmm…
I’ll do it tomorrow.
😬
I’ve actually looked into getting an anvil.
My friend has one and I think it would be fun to hammer it just to hear the sound.
You can roll ground beef into a round shape and bake it.
The kids these days call them “meatballs”.
Wild and wacky stuff!
Man, I hope I’m never seriously killed.
Yeah. I know…
Me, too!
I start off each day imagining a giant cartoon anvil falling right on top of him.
But in my version, he’s dead and doesn’t squeeze out from underneath of it flat as a pancake.
🤣
Relief starts with just one obituary.
“Thank you, Albany!
Good night!!!”
I totally question the casting of Pete Davidson as the next James Bond.
The title is bad as well:
“Don’t Die Too Much”
I’m not bored.
I’m just disappointed.
