kuato, total recall

Would've liked to have seen this actor in more movies

There are 3 kinds of Bluesky user:
1. Was just kicked in the head by a horse
2. Raised in Plato's cave where they were only shown 2010s tumblr posts
3. Normal

matched someone who said "tell me about your favorite bug!" but maybe they were just being twee because my rapturous six paragraph description of the way the horse-guard wasp paralyzes 30 horseflies and buries them alive with a single egg that hatches and eats them all alive kinda killed the convo

Charlie Browns mom: Waaah wah wah wah waaah waaah waaah wah

Charlie Brown: oh, you mean pigpen

Charlie browns mom: Wah way. Waaaah wahwahwah wah wah waaah waaaah wahwhawah wah wah

Charlie Brown: yeah I get that. It’s pretty bad over there but I don’t think they hit him

There was always a kid in class who the teachers knew to keep an eye on when the rubber cement was out

I don't think glue sniffing is really a thing anymore and phones never get any credit for that

Phones probably have some bad effects, sure, but it wasn't that long ago that teenagers were constantly in search of powerful chemical fumes they could use to recreationally kill their own brain cells with

My favorite will always be the first meeting with the new head of our business unit. He was asked what his favorite fruit was. For just that brief moment, you could see the disgust on his face before he grunted and said mango.

Linkedin is nothing but that distilled energy of the person who wants to be the first to ask a softball question to the leadership team at a town hall. A billion Smithers.

stupid idoit t @peeholelicker being avoidant is so humiliating like sorry l Didn't reply because i was scared and then i Still didn't reply because too much time passed. Sorry

Tired: Ea-Nasir scam
Wired:

ME: Why did Dracula go to the baseball game?

ME: Because he wanted to see the bats. 🙂

WARDEN: Maybe the worst choice of last words I've ever heard. Ok, he's ready. Throw the switch.

ME: (does not die no matter how high they crank the voltage, but does feel exponentially increasing amount of pain)

A Christmas Carol remake in which Wagner (“dead, to begin with”) warns, uh, Karajan that he’ll be visited by three spirits

Saudade - Wikipedia

I'm pretty sure this is just saudade in a tortilla, gotta give portuguese the w here

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saudade

you would think that german might have the right word to express the unique sense of aching phantom limb-like loss that comes every time you want a burrito and have to remember that your standby place recently shut down, but it doesn't

CLAYFACE ink sketch by Dan McDaid. He looks like he's on his way to work!

I wanted it to look like CLAYFACE had a hammer for a hand, but it looks like he's on his way to work

Every time I’m in Union Square I think about how Tammany Hall, the seat of power for New York for decades, is now a Petco

When my first kid was little I only played ambient-ish music for them because I had read that it helps them feel like they're safe and back in the womb? Anyway when they were 3 years old one morning I turned on the dishwasher and they said "Oh Daddy I don't feel like listening to music now."

Wait is that just up the hill from the Lake City Way Taco Time?!??

In my opinion it’s unethical to use generative AI to resurrect dead actors. The only ethical use is to recreate actors who are alive but annoying to be around

one promise the cyberpunk future failed to deliver on is me being a courier for 512MB of highly sensitive corporate data contained in my brain zip drive while i wear a nice suit instead of being a courier for burritos in a 2012 hyundai

hey seattle pals

HER: Your welcome—

HIM: It's "you're" welcome

HER: —is overstayed

A balding man with a mustache sits at a drawing table in front of an unfinished comic strip, turning backwards in his chair and waving, with his other arm draped over the chair. He says "People ask me every day, 'where do jokes come from?' 'How do I make a joke?' 'What IS a joke?' Today I'll be giving you a closer look." We now see a pink blobby creature wearing one of those novelty arrow through its head. "here is a joke in the wild. But what makes it work?" With a loud 'BONK', the pink blob is bludgeoned with a hammer. "First we humanely euthanize the joke." "Now we can see inside the joke. Let's observe." The lower half of the image is a diagram, in red, of the pink blob creature, the joke, autopsied, with pins holding it open, and lines pointing to different organs labeled as follows: Pyloric Ceca Chuck Sacks Note the absence of bones Pathos "silly" gland secondary ruminant stomach swim bladder cloaca The cartoonist pops up again at the end to say "I hope that clears things up. If all else fails, just shout lines from 20 year old tv commercials. Everyone thinks that's funny and not annoying."

How Jokes Work

JACK: Lemon, I've rediscovered letter writing. Every great man leaves behind a legacy of correspondence with the great thinkers of his day. Yesterday I wrote one to Carl Sagan.
LIZ: Isn't he dead? What do you have to say to Carl Sagan anyway?
JACK: Oh, I don't know, the service mails them directly.

Have you noticed that people who spend too long chatting with chatbots, stop making any fucking kind of sense?

The reason why is that the bot will never, ever, go "what the fuck are you talking about? What are you even trying to communicate here?"

In a medically induced coma in a sketchy Russian clinic with a colon full of petrified beef?”

Also: replete with opportunities for awkward ER conversations about how you got those groin burns.