A woman had just made possibly flirtatious eye contact with me about five seconds before I got sent flying by these dogs. May have cost me some mystique

Typical politician, wants to ban dogs because of her Muslim paymasters but wants to have four of them herself. Her dogs are probably foreigners, no doubt claiming benefits

Only thing damaged is my pride, and also my elbow

Just got knocked flat on my arse by two big dogs, a proper both legs in the air pratfall. Been nearly six weeks living in Hannah Spencer's Islamo-Marxist regime and she has failed to ban these beasts. A fraud

Thanks. He's the sweetest little guy

Yeah I like it, he was called that before he came here so I can't take credit

Picture of me trying to nap with my cat Cricket insisting on being right in my face

Another angle of the same thing

Impossible to have an afternoon nap in peace in this place

Picture of me trying to nap with my cat Cricket insisting on being right in my face

Another angle of the same thing

Impossible to have an afternoon nap in peace in this place

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My own blurry 10x zoom woodpecker footage www.instagram.com/reel/C2SEHmr...

Between us we've got the next Countryfile calendar sewn up

Blurry long distance photo of a barn owl sat in a tree

Slightly closer view of the same indistinct barn owl shaped thing

Trust me bro

They'll tell you it can't be done. "You can't get worthwhile long-range Barn Owl pics at 10x zoom on an old 2019 phone!", they'll say. You have to cut these people out of your life

Imagine getting off stage after speaking at the Brits and finding out nothing you'd said had been censored on the broadcast, you'd be mortified

Lmao

You weren't thinking about George Galloway in the voting booth?! What the fuck

Almost certain it was my inspiring election-day message to the neighbourhood WhatsApp group (seven 👍 reacts and four 💯s) wot won it

Just realised this is the sort of feeling of vague hope I last had under Corbyn, excited to discover the precise method by which it gets beaten out of me and leaves me an embittered husk with a thirst for revenge this time!

Also the way they treat Muslims like they have no class status, like they can't be working class or middle class or have any material concerns, because they are simply Muslims motivated solely by Islam

About to have my first glass of wine under Hannah Spencer's dangerous Islamo-Marxist narco regime, feels good man. Here's to destroying Britain!

So proud of my community this morning, we held our nerve despite everyone telling us a vote for the Greens would let Reform in. They'll be talking all kinds of shit about us in the coming days but I promise you we're just regular people who want something better than Starmer

GO EAT A BOOK MOTHERFUCKER

entirely unimprovable execution by the @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social social team

I can't, that's the problem. He runs the place!

Only one door leads to freedom but I have to answer a riddle posed to me by a singing mouse to figure out which

Could see myself having a nightmare about waking up here and wondering if I'm dead

Update on this, I wrote a few more parts to it but unfortunately this guitar is by my bed, and every time I try to practice it my fucking cat rolls around meowing and demanding attention until I give up and fuss him. An enemy of the creative process 👇

It was mostly my decision to end it, which I later realised was a huge fumble on my part. In a just world she would have had me killed

One difficult thing about this by-election for me personally is that Hannah Spencer looks kinda like this one ex of mine from when I was 20, who I have fond memories of apart from the vivid recollection that I kept emailing her with Tool lyrics in my signature and explaining them

Won't matter when we form the People's Republic of Levenshulme ✊ I will be annexing Debdale Park by force and the rest is none of my concern

Maybe yeah, seems like it's gonna be mainly Denton and Gorton going Reform with Levenshulme and Longsight going Green

Sign/sticker count on the 0.25 mile walk from my house to the local park:

Greens 16
Labour 1
All other parties 0

If I end up with Matt fucking Goodwin as my MP I will be calling for Levenshulme to secede from the FAKE constituency of 'Gorton and Denton' by any means necessary