My unsolicited declaration about not having a relationship with the world's worst person is raising a lot of questions already covered by my unsolicited declaration.

You missed a chance to say you had all the thyme in the world.

Arrived at Louis Armstrong Airport, up to customs, was asked if I had any fruit and I said some opened raisins. The guy looks at me for a second, says “Probably fine” and waves me through. Welcome to NOLA, babyyyyy!

A comically oversized and questionable looking soft boiled egg the size of a cheese wheel being sliced into by a chef

Something to think about this Easter

I want you to put the world out there that we back up

Jesus to Mary Magdalene

The Easter Boney

Portrait of the comedian Joe pasquale from the waist up. He is topless for some reason. It was the first image result.

Did everyone know this? Pasquale is Italian for Easter? So the high-pitched comedian’s name means Joe Easter?

The cover of a book called 'The Best of Dostoevsky'

"What's your favourite Dostoevsky novel?"
"I'd have to say...The Best Of Fyodor Dostoevsky."

THE PEOPLE STANDING AT THE BAR MIGHT AS WELL BE AT A COUNCIL MEETING FOR ALL THE INTEREST THEY’RE SHOWING was his scolding rallying cry (that did not work, shockingly) (I had a good time though)

Yes I know he wrote a book called The Idiot. Or maybe ‘Idiot’, who knows?

Sad to read this wasn’t at Lord Byron’s, Preston’s premier indie club (cough) in my day

Radiohead supporting…James?…in ‘91/‘92? Maybe ten of us watching, much to Thom’s vocal dismay

I did try and shut my door quietly at 4.30am but during the maneuver dropped my shoulder bag, so swings and roundabouts on that one - sorry, room 328

Million dollar idea: An airport hotel that asks what time you have to leave as you check in and then accommodates people with similar departure times in the same corridors so that you don’t get woken up by slamming doors at ungodly hours.

Schedule: Need to be up at 5am to get ready for the airport.
Brain: Better be wide awake at 2.30am just in case we oversleep!

Oh wait, both are ok. I might not have made an idiot of myself that one time I referred to it in public.

A cover of the book by Dostoevsky incorrectly titled Notes From The Underground

WAIT A MINUTE, I’ve been calling this book ‘Notes From The Underground’ all my life, and just saw it referred to as ‘Notes From Underground’ and apparently THAT’S the real title, my copy just had a misprint all this time. Thanks, er, OXFORD UNIVERSITY PRESS

The cartoon character Donald Duck about to take a lovely big swig on a green bottle of cyanide

Love to be obligated to travel over Easter weekend when every train and plane is essentially a mobile feral creche

Did you know that wordle guy did make a wordle for smart people? parseword - it's basically cryptic crossword clues, but more annoying to solve

clucksmaxxing more like wait that's just chickens never mind

A proper dad, he never really had one.
It's not on file if the child was a glad one.
No trial for whatever it was the lad done,
If that's a Good Friday, I wouldn't want a bad one.
- John Hegley

(traditional)

“Oo ‘er yoo, th’monobommerr?”

Me in a black hoodie and black sunglasses, looking slightly like the Unabomber

Pencil drawing of the unabomber in a hoodie and dark sunglasses looking slightly like me

It’s blindingly sunny and really cold in Lancashire today, so I went out like this. A woman in a charity shop said I looked like “the monobomber” and I’m pretty sure she meant Ted Kaczynski but that’s a much funnier alias (especially in a local accent)

Sad this didn't happen today for the APRIL HUEL pun opportunity

The greatest trick the boys ever played was persuading the world that they were out of town.

Manosphere-coded guy hysterically punching the Huel machine at Heathrow Airport because it was empty. Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it.

My associate Mr Carl Pettbagger

Simulacra AND Simulation, in this economy?

A close up of the Costa Coffee coffee machine in the supermarket Sainsbury's, which plays recordings of coffee shop ambience when you buy a drink

Big Jean Baudrillard, you would have loved the fake espresso machine steam noises, spurts, barista grunts and incoherent background coffee shop chat that play when you buy a coffee from the Costa Cofffee machine in Sainsbury's supermarket #SimulacraandSimulation

I love finding casual badminton clubs when I travel. It’s an accessible and cheap sport and always has a diverse range of ages/backgrounds, and generally friendly people. Made two immediate friends last night. Sadly my aged body is getting less cooperative but I’m never the eldest person there.