A doctor once told me, screaming, and shitting yourself during childbirth is quite normal.

Apparently, now it makes me a bad midwife🙄
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If you divide the circumference of a jack-O-Lantern by its diameter, you must surely get pumpkin Pi.
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I went shopping earlier, and a huge stack of toilet rolls fell on top of me, but luckily I'm not too badly hurt.

I just suffered some soft tissue damage.
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I went shopping earlier, and a huge stack of toilet rolls fell on top of me, but luckily I'm not too badly hurt.

I just suffered some soft tissue damage.
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If you divide the circumference of a jack-O-Lantern by its diameter, you must surely get pumpkin Pi.
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The simple fact that Alligators can live up to 100 years, undoubtedly increases the chance they will see you later.
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A doctor once told me, screaming, and shitting yourself during childbirth is quite normal.

Apparently, now it makes me a bad midwife🙄
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My next door neighbour's son just asked, "Tolly, why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?"

"Swarm."
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I've been thinking about a maths joke, but I'm 2² to tell it.
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Breaking:

Historians discover the existence of a previously unknown Roman Emperor, who it appears suffered from epilepsy.

Julius Seizure.
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Dermatologists and psychiatrists work well together, because their patients are a bit flaky.
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The main reason ironing clothes causes them to shrink, is that it de-creases them.
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Tuesday top tip:

To save money on fuel, I took the mirrors off my car to reduce drag.

I've not looked back since.
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Morning Mushy 🤗 👋
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I went out for a meal with my girlfriend last night, and she commented, "You're clearly not French, the way you wolf your food down."

"What am I then?"

"Russian."
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"I've just been told that Greta Thunberg is less than a month away from having a nuclear weapon disguised as a windmill."
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More

Trump

My girlfriend asked why I had a black eye, and a bruised cheek.

"Well, I was arrested on suspicion of stealing encyclopedias, and the police weren't impressed when I told them I could explain everything. That's when they decided to throw the book at me."
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I was once told that urinating in condensed milk would bring back the dead.

Personally, I've never believed in wee in carnation.
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All the people thinking Dick Tice's girlfriend, Isabellend Cockspittle, is inside the burqa, are incorrect.
He'd never hug her this way. Must be his unpaid tax.
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I've been banned by cruise ship companies ever since the 'poop deck' misunderstanding.
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I just asked my girlfriend to rate my listening skills.

"You're an 8 on a scale of 10."

I have absolutely no idea why she wants me to urinate on a skeleton.
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In some sports the competitors throw the ball into the crowd for the fans after winning a match:

I've recently realised, ten pin bowling isn't one of those sports.
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I've recently opened a shop selling trampolines and prayer mats.

Prophets are through the roof.
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Bit of a quandary this morning.
Food festival on that I fancy visiting, but it's in a town I don't particularly like🤔
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Space is limited
In a haiku, so it's hard
To finish what you
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I went to a farmers party last night, and the crowd was screaming at the DJ to Turnip the Beet.
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To the person who stole the zero from my front door number:

You are nothing to me.
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Coming to a spoons near you.. CuntPAC GB.
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